t-minus 10 days til valentine’s day.
I need to get crackin and find me a valentine. im not going another year without one. gotta start combing thru craigslist or those aol chat rooms (those still exist?) for that perfecto [looney] mate or as I would like to think of it, a temporary valentine.
think I should bring a business proposal to the infamous madam heidi fleiss (yes, charlie sheen’s pimpette to his hoes). with her black book o’ contacts and my creative business savvy, we can start a rent-a-valentine [escort] service. I mean if we wanna do this big time, we can go into a partnership with the millionaire matchmaker patty stanger and really blow this business b!tch up.
simple concept: single gal w/no valentine rents a boy for valentines’s day (per day rates. exclusions and fees may apply) he is required to treat her like a girlfriend for however many days she rents him. tho things such as gift giving, flower giving, giving booty, giving… (you catch my drift) are extra.
duh. I mean when you rent a car, g.p.s. and insurance isn’t like free?!
speakin of free sh!t, I want my rent-a-valentine [man-hoe] to buy me this necklace. I dont even want the booty. just gimme the jewels.
as you can see ive been single for a long time. screw the boy. I just want the present.
[single] girl power!
click for more info: david yurman cable heart chain necklace