Wednesday, February 16, 2011

nikon af-s nikkor 85mm "appendage" f/1.4 lens





this lens almost maybe worth getting evicted for.

my next paycheck should go to rent. keyword: should

I feel its almost cheating taking pictures with this superstud lens. it takes the rad-est (yes I said rad and even added a hyphenated post adjective appendage) pictures ever. I mean, I bet the bestest of photographers almost second guess themselves using this lens. is it me and my talent? or is it the gosh dang amazeballs lens taking these amazeballs pictures?

photographer is of course gonna take all the glory.

meanwhile, the camera body is like, where’s my shout out in taking this amazeballs picture? without me, this picture would be nothing.

and meanwhile, the talented appendage of lens [lead singer] is like im the star! I make the picture.

god. this is sounding just like a dysfunctional 80’s [big] hair rock band.

[insert]: guns n roses e! true hollywood story…here (aqui)


Monday, February 14, 2011

anne sportun fiery "freebee" garnet necklace





happy valentine’s day f*ckers.

for those of you batting for the opposing team (aka desperate and/or single), don’t fret my pet…

sorry, spaced out for like 10 minutes thinking about the upsides of not having a valentine this year (or well every year since the age of 0). apparently, I thought took so long, by brain’s screen saver got activated.

…I still got nuttin.

at least tomorrow, you can march into any duane reade or cvs and get valentine’s day candy at a discounted price. tho, downside (boo) you will get fat if you eat all that candy, well in one sitting. which is highly likely. blame it on emo eating.

what would be a humongous upside is if all the jewelry that had hearts (and/or was the color red) went on a massive discount too. massive meaning 90% discount. listen, if this [desperate] idiot is gonna buy her own valentine’s day gift, let alone jewelry for myself, she should get the pity discount. (notice the use of 3rd person, as I would not admittedly buy myself jewelry in such a public way).

at least “she’s” not asking for freebee jewelry.

anne sportun’s little fiery masterpiece unfortunately isn’t free. it isn’t even on sale. poo. im just going to print it out in color, cut it out and wear it, as that’s the closest I’ll get to ever getting it.

oh wait. I don’t have a printer at home. and the printer at work is black and white. doo. doo…

happy fn doo-doo poo-poo v-day d-day.

click for more info: sundance fiery garnet necklace

tiffany return to tiffany heart tag "oops" toggle necklace






note: realized I forgot to publish this post back in january 28th. opps. im too lazy to turn back the clock and post it for the correct date. but so ya'lls know, this brings the tally of posts on january to 7, just so I don't look like sucha dead beat (well for that month at least)...

this necklace is like required dress for sorority girls. along with the kate spade handbags, ugg boots, north face fleeces and black tights.

just got back from a trip to syracuse (not talking about the nova/cuse game. im just not). and the campus was crawling with this outfit dress code. the kate spade mention might be more circa 2002. these days, these b!tches don’t play. they’ll be rockin the louis vuittons, diors, etc.

pretty much all the sh!t I could not afford in college.

which, was not the reason why I didn’t pledge for a sorority. I was holding out hope a fraternity would pledge me. then they found out I could out drink all the brothers and their alumni. so they passed.

weenies.



Wednesday, February 9, 2011

apple macbook "skinny" air








speakin of sex and the city…

even before all the hipsters/yuppies ruined it by all “becoming” mac-whores in the late 2000’s, carrie bradshaw set the trend with her old skool pre OSX black macbook in the 90’s. remember that? she’s type away on that little macbook on the [endless] trials and many many tribulations of single ladies in nyc. remember the episode when her lumberjack boyfriend aiden tried to fix it, and instead crashed it?

yea, next time you have tech problems, don’t trust your plaid wearing, turquoise ring wearing, carpenter paul bunyon boyfriend to fix it. its like asking a caveman how to jailbreak your iphone. 100% fail.

anywho. macbooks have come along way since the 90’s. just like the sizes of women’s clothing these days, these laptops get skinnier and skinnier. so skinny, they call the skinniest mac laptop the macbook air. and of course, I want. the smallest literally is smaller than your average ruler (and also most men’s private appendages). 11”!

ps: much thanks to e! for re-running sex and the city. ive literally watched every episode like 50 times each. almost as much as ive watched every single saved by the bell episode (thank you tbs).

click for more info: apple macbook air

jess maharry dollop of "warming" sunlight ring












I don’t even know how the sun looks like anymore. like what color is it?

its been the longest marathon of a winter ive ever experience in my life. and its not nearly over yet. 40 more days. but who cares? feel like it’ll be winter forever.

listen. I adore the planet. I try to be nice to the environment by recycling, being green, yadda yadda. but after running this hamster wheel of a never-ending winter, im almost cheering for global warming. sorry al gore.

tho the only glee aside from the tv show gLee (which uh, is my new fave obsession) ive seen lately is this ring. my face de-frosted for a hot minute and felt the warmth of the citrine.

yes. I said warmth of the citrine. if im quoting (and confirmed that I quoted) statements like that, I must be losing it.


jimmy choo "choo" double-banded bootie








remember jimmy choo’s? remember manolo blaniks? the [drug] shoes of choice of ms. carrie bradshaw? hellooooo lova…

these days christian louboutin has the current monopoly on uber designer shoes. I don’t even remember hearing about chrissy loub during the original sex and the city heydays. he’s definitely made up for it these days. cant go a block without seeing some wannabe fashionistas pumpin the streets in their red lacquered chrissy loub’s.

so im showin jimmy choo choo some love love for the 1st time on this bloggy.

this heeled bling o’ sole is a mix of a peep toe pump and a bootie. tho a bootie is already a hybrid between a boot and anke boot. so this thing essentially is a shoe mutt.

click for more info: jimmy choo double-banded bootie

christian louboutin super "accidently" platform mary jane pump





as a tall [amazonian] 5’8” gal, pumpin thru the streets of nyc, ive noticed lately the lack thereof of tall men out there. I just chalked it up to men in nyc were just short, and the implant yuppies were just even shorter. and its not just me, other gals have the same sentiment.

then I walked into saks into their 10022-shoe (yes its so big, it has its own zip code, just like my closet should) and “accidently” wandered into the chrissy louboutin department. i mean I was afraid to trip and fall and “accidently” land on one of the 7” heeled shoes, and get “accidently” stabbed in the chest-icles. holy [sky] high heels.

these lady super-platform mary jane heels, the name says it all. you literally need to be a super hero to just walk in these. neiman doesn’t even list the height of the heel, because im sure its just so obscenely(like x-rated, like parental advisory sh!t) high, they wont even bother telling you.

anywho, no wonder men are getting shorter in nyc. its cause these b!tches are wearing like 12” heels. and the trend doesn’t seem to be slowing down.

now we just need to get men in heels. its gonna happen, its nature’s act of homeostasis.


Tuesday, February 8, 2011

nike dri-fit obsessed "sweat" women's training capris








heather grey. the [enema] enemy color to all gym rats. no other color in the world accents pit stains and sweat marks as severely (and sheepishly embarrassing) than…

heather grey.

to men, sweat stains are a like valor of glory. aka, I pump iron so hard [in my best aaah-rnold schwarznegger voice] I drip in sweat.
to women, its almost as mortifying as a period stain thru the pants. I know gross. it’s the only ym magazine “say anything” embarrassing moment I could muster [mustard].

women aren’t supposed to fart, spit, burp, poo, sneeze, cough, hiccup, blink (im an exception). let alone sweat. ugh, the horror! no lady stick maximum strength deodorant can control all that sweat.

sorry guys we women are im afraid to say, human.

so I just bought these nike dri-fit pants, hoping it’ll solve some butt crotch pit sweat marks issues ive been having lately at the gym.
furthermore, as a tribute to the namesake of these pants (obsessed) I am obsessed, bought 2 colors already.

knowing nike. if I were to get sweat [ink blot] marks with these pants, nike would’ve specifically manufactured the material to only sweat marks shaped like nike swooshes.


Friday, February 4, 2011

david yurman cable heart "single" chain necklace





t-minus 10 days til valentine’s day.

I need to get crackin and find me a valentine. im not going another year without one. gotta start combing thru craigslist or those aol chat rooms (those still exist?) for that perfecto [looney] mate or as I would like to think of it, a temporary valentine.

think I should bring a business proposal to the infamous madam heidi fleiss (yes, charlie sheen’s pimpette to his hoes). with her black book o’ contacts and my creative business savvy, we can start a rent-a-valentine [escort] service. I mean if we wanna do this big time, we can go into a partnership with the millionaire matchmaker patty stanger and really blow this business b!tch up.

simple concept: single gal w/no valentine rents a boy for valentines’s day (per day rates. exclusions and fees may apply) he is required to treat her like a girlfriend for however many days she rents him. tho things such as gift giving, flower giving, giving booty, giving… (you catch my drift) are extra.

duh. I mean when you rent a car, g.p.s. and insurance isn’t like free?!

speakin of free sh!t, I want my rent-a-valentine [man-hoe] to buy me this necklace. I dont even want the booty. just gimme the jewels.

as you can see ive been single for a long time. screw the boy. I just want the present.

[single] girl power!


Wednesday, February 2, 2011

stand by your orange


just gotta let it out. I know this is a jolly holly [non-violent] shopping blog, but when it comes to the cuse, I must unleash my orange fury.

plus no other blogs want to listen to my sh!t so this is my only microphone. so deal with it.

I just want to address those stoopid made up soap opera story line rumors that have been floating around since last night about point shaving by scoop jardine (and allegedly couple others). its f*cking horsesh!t. made up lies by haters of the syracuse basketball program (ie: fans of other teams on the big east).

its been a perfect sh!t storm of sh!tty basketball the cuse has been playing lately. sh!tty shooting. sh!tty rebounding. sh!tty ball handling. sh!tty free throw shotting. even our sh!tty is sh!tty. but that’s no reason to allege point shaving scandal to our team. so we’ve had a rocky past four games, but unlike a sh!tty marriage, the cuse doesn’t cheat.

like as a loyal wife to a cheating husband, I stand by my team. and I stand by scoop. I’ll be rocking your #11 jersey tonight as I watch cuse battle the huskies hush puppies of uconn.

gooo cuse.





photojojo juice box "cutesy" camera










don’t think a capri sun would work as a good vessel for a 35mm camera. I mean its most certainly a fail for being a vessel for juice. 9.5 outta 10 times capri sun finds a way to explode its juice onto me. sometimes to no fault of mine (I swear I didn’t even squeeze it!).

cardboard juice box is the architecturally sound way to go, in terms of housing juices. and now why not a 35mm camera?

slap on a cutesy apple cartoony character in front of the camera, and you got me sold into buying this. im one of those stoopids that buys a coat cause the lining has a cute pattern, or cute buttons or cute zippers. im an advertising exec’s ultimate [teenage] dream.

…and definitely not in the zexy sexual manner.

click for more info: photojojo juice box camera

photojojo fuzzy wuzzy was a "love" felt camera case








a big grassy @ss to my buddy jenny jen. she referred me to this website with cool gear for your camera. almost a bit too cool, cause im about to wipe this website’s inventory clean. like lysol bacteria free clean, biotch.

first thing that caught my eye on the photojojo website (like puppy love at first sight) was the fuzzy wuzz. it just wasn’t the fuzz’s good looks, it was his heart felt [hehe. pun] colorful personality.

since the fuzz isn’t compatible with my diggie slr (even match.com agreed they weren’t an ideal love match) I must buy a point and shoot at once.

typical shopping strategy for me. you buy the camera for the case. obviously, I like to go against the grain. I mean who buys cases for cameras anymore, that’s boring. first ya find a cool case, then a cool camera. youre guaranteed a perfect fit.

ps: ugh. all this love talk. valentine’s day must be around the corner.

barf.


Tuesday, February 1, 2011

ash flirt "hate" kitten heel sneakers











I hate kitten heels. you wear 4” and higher or bust [your @ss] none of this mid kitten heel sh!t

I hate when casual shoes/sneakers are made into high heeled shoes (aka that jenny from the block construction boot looking high heeled sh!t jlo wore in that video. ugh. cheesy. so cheesy im gonna call it cheesy in espanol. muy queso)

I hate when other shoe makers rip off other shoe maker’s designs (see said referenced above. also sketchers and steve madden are notorious perpetrators)

I hate chuck taylors (well after the hipsters ruined it for me)

this ash shoe has every “I hate” requirement fulfilled. and somehow I kinda dig these. theyve found (squeezed) a soft spot in my bitter heart.

im really either im going soft or *gasp*! my style is changing?

tho…

I hate change (like severly)

this maybe a sign of maturity and/or im starting to like the cheesy.

click for more info: ash flirt kitten heel sneakers

corey arnold fish-work: the "hubba" bering sea













this guy corey arnold is one of my fave photographers.

admittedly I first saw him on that tv show about king crab fisherman [hubba hubba] the deadliest catch couple years ago. I swear, king crab fisherman are like the construction workers of the seas. blue collar scruffy hottie hotties. and I gotta say the crew of the rollo was the hubba hubb-iest and funniest of em all. but that’s not the main reason I watched that show [*wink wink*]…

devastatingly the crew was not asked back for future seasons. I myself almost caused a minor riot at the discovery channel’s “contact us” email mailbox, urging them to bring back the rollo crew. obviously with no avail.

but ive been following corey’s photography career ever since. and no. that’s not considering stalking. I actually admire his artistic talents as im a fledgling photographer myself.

:P

sooo I was excited to hear that he is now a book. lol. I meant his work is now a book! how exciting. his photography steez (style for you non urban dictionary people) is so hilarious, his images brings a cheeky to cheek grin to my face.

I hope to someday get off my lazy high horse @ss and start posting my photographs for reals on a website. and maybe one day make some dough from it.

seriously. im talented! I took photography 201 in college. I can work the auto focus on a camera like pro.


gorjana astrology "cuspy" charm bracelet








and it comes in a matching bracelet…!

so for you loonies like me who actually are on the cusp of two signs (yes. this explains a lot of my [multiple] personalities and/or witty charm) you can wear one sign on your neck and the other on your wrist. ugh. fashion stylist genius I am. I need my own show on bravo.

ps: sorry to you cuspy schizophrenic people. bracelet only comes in gold on shopbop.

pps: if youre I die I die I die I die like bananas dyyyyying to know my other sign. its cancer. hence why I have an “anger management” section of my blog. I am pretty crabby in general/naturally.

[cue] boisterous laughter.


gorjana astrology "dead beat" charm necklace











I promise not to be sucha deadbeat [mom] blogger from now on. I’ll make more of an attempt to write on my bloggy as much as I can. im also afraid blogger might seize custody of bloggy due to my lack of visitation these past couple months. god. this is sounding like an episode of teen mom 2. ugh…

anywho. im starting off the month of february (yay. crazy aquarian month) like a rockstar. plus its also the birthday month of my bloggy blog. he/she she/he will be 2 years old on february 18th! god. im the mother to a legitimate toddler now.

if youre a horoscope/astrology junkie like me, its known fact geminis (me) are like b.f.f.’s to aquarians (my blog + like 90 of my real/facebook friends), and vice versa. to spare the non-believers/I don’t give a f*ck of horoscopy, I wont go into further detail of this astrological mumbo gumbo jumbo.

in a nutsell: geminis + aquarians = crazy two faced fickle witty like you just got sucked into a tornado and spit the f*ck out funky bunch. ok, more like a ginormous humongo nutshell.

so like if you don’t want to be like sooo cliché and wear those letter charm necklaces with your initials (as I wear my “a” necklace I bought for $9.99 at tj maxx. loser) gorjana makes these astrology charm necklaces.

they come in gold or silver. usually the poor people (me) buy silver, cause its cheaper. but not in this case. they’re both $45!

ps: whomp whomp. geminis are out of stock in gold. guess this poop pauper is stuck with silver again.