Tuesday, November 23, 2010

hello kitty hello cuse "empire" syracuse tee

oh. my. god.

I die. I die.

its like finding a marc by marc jacobs syracuse tee. well if that would to ever happen, my head literally would explode like a fn hand grenade. like sheeeeer excitement.

I mean this is pretty dang cool too.

who woulda ever thunk the hello kitty empire would dip into the sports world? to men that’s like the sign of the sports apocalypse.

marc by marc jacobs petal to the medal "dodo" natasha messenger bag

we just had our holiday party last nite (yes. on a monday. that’s how we roll). so you can just imagine what [hell bent outta] shape I am in today.

only thing im good for today is eating all your food and shopping online. cause both don’t involve me using my brain neurons. cause currently brain neurons are not synapse-ing (aka: out of order).

tho typing now, is causing some sorta painful synapse, tho that also might be the melting of my membrane. soon enough it may ooze outta my ears. ooh fun. just one request brain, please ooze after lunch time, cause I don’t wanna loose my appetite, let alone my…lunch.

ok. new subject. what is up with marc by marc jacobs and birds? its not bothering me, but im just curious what has brought on the sudden bird theme in his most recent merch? is he serious about saving birds? if so what kinda birds? dodo birds (tho think those b!tches are extinct)…

actually never mind. I really don’t care about the birds. I just care for marc by marc jacobs sh!t. even more when im hanged-over. it puts me in a good mood (for once).

btw. whenever im in a good mood, people question me. like are you ok? you run over an old geriatric person? apparently, my good mood is as rare as a dodo bird. meaning, pretty non-existent.

haha. almost posted this sh!t and realized I didn’t even mention the bag.

its pretty. its got birds (apparently my new fave aminal). and its marc by marc jacobs. hows that for a product review? ***** (5 stars)

Thursday, November 18, 2010

crate & barrel set of 3 "hoot" fabric-felt owls

these are a hoot!

literally one of the only reasons im blogging about this. im a sucker for these owl puns. yes, that qualifies me as a f*cking cheesy cornball. but seriously…

whooooo gives a [f*cking] hooooot!

ahahaha. owl always love puns.

ahahaha. I made another pun-ny funny!

ps: made from recycled materials. we love owls whooooo care for the earth. (sorry. couldnt resist one more [big] pun).

crate & barrel woof dog meow cat "bastard" stockings

for most people, pets are like family members. for most people, pets are more loved than certain family members. I mean I loved my lil gerby gerbil kirby more than…

…sh!t I forgot my bro and sis read this blog. love ya guys! tee hee hee. (dude. gotta smooth sh!t over with the sibs, if I wanna get a christmas gift from those two. wink wink.)

anywho. we love love love our pets so much, well now their stocking must get a place on the mantle. next to mommy, daddy, brother, sister, step sister, step brother, ½ brother, ex-step sister, 6th cousin, great ex-step aunt, and bastard illegitimate ½ sister (well pending d.n.a. results, to be revealed on next week’s maury).

ps: what if your cat and/or dog decided they were jewish? I mean cant force religion on your pets. im just sayin…

someone get that kitty a menorah!

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

sorel joan of arctic "conventional" boots

its raining today. so natch I would shop for. yes, you scholars guessed it. rain boots. god, I have sucha smart peanutty gallery.

those hunter boots are like soooo in. so natch this rebel goes against the riptide (grain is soo played) and looks for cooler, non conventional boots. I mean in my mind theyre non conventional, so then they must be non conventional.

I call these high fashion duck billed boots. I mean you can turn any oogly duckling into a high fashion diva by just adding [water] fur lining, a hint of sassy red color and a $130.00 price tag. dude. I dig.

dude. I love this home depot chic fashion.

click for more info: sorel joan of arctic boots

grammar rebellion. on guuuuuard!... (yes ive lost my mind. its 4pm ive had a large cawffee and im fn craaacked out)

I sometimes go back and read my masterpieces of blog post. just to remind myself what a wackadoode-ly funny genius I am. and also, jesus. i must get such rapid diarrhea of my thought process that I literally blog faster than I type (make sense?).

obviously, as evidence of my un-grammatical display of the english language in this blog, I do not (nor ever will) posses a copy editor. aka a little hamster with thick horned rimmed glasses proof reading bullsh!t. I wont allow proof reading. I even turn of auto cap and spell check for goodness sake. grammar rebellion! roooooooooooar!

plus editing means:

a) I have to [painfully] read the mess ive created (I make mess. I don’t clean)
b) I have to read
c) my innate and natural ability of writing funny sh!t shall not be touched. its like the amazon jungle. mother nature’s natural beauty. do not touch.
d) the realization that my grammar school teachers were bribed by my family (aka the korean mafia) to pass me in every grade. meanwhile, I still think punctuation marks were just cute shapes added to sentences for some sorta decorative purposes.

that’s all.

Friday, November 12, 2010

crumbs grasshopper "x-rated" cupcake

warning: due to the racey nature of this photograph, anyone under the age of not appreciating the goodness of crumbs cupcakes is prohibited from reading any further. parental supervision is highly advised.

seriously. this pic of this grasshopper cuppy cake is like porn. food porn. anything that heightens any sorta human juices needs to be x-rated. i mean we need some sorta regulation.

god. imagine if the cupcake wrapper just fell off (aka like wardrobe malfunction)? its like watching victorias secret models frolicking naked in a beach. i mean that fn sexy yo.

someone get me some cold @ss [skim] milk. i need to cool off.

click for more info: crumbs grasshopper cupcakes

marc by marc jacobs mr. marc "powder" headphones

ok. mr. marc I gotta admit kinda skeevy lookin. he looks like powder from that movie…powder.

tho its got marc by marc jacobs stamped on it. so I will forgo the “sex offender” crazed look and embrace mr. marc.

literally its marc jacobs. don’t need a background check with that stamp of approval.

marc by marc jacobs miss marc with birds & mr. marc iphone "fine" cover

my young apple-ling iphone 4 needs a new wardrobe. and like mamma she is only liking the finer things in life. fine, im mean marc by marc jacobs. cant get finer than that. seriously. not arguments please. or ima give you an hassan chop [marc by marc jacobs branded] beat down smack down. he’s the breeeeeeast!

since today im dripping in marc by marc jacobs, then why should my lil bebe apple-ling? we can have matching outfits! cuuuute.

ive created a monster. literally a chunk off the ole [bag] block.

marc by marc jacobs mini "garnish" mp3 speaker

warning: im gonna have diarrhea of marc by marc jacobs in the next hour. if you don’t love [obsessed/stalking] him the way I do, I suggest you shut you pie hole and just sit back and worship the marc by marc jacobs products (and empire) that im about to spew on yo @ss…

holiday shopping people. it no longer starts day after tofurky day (in honor of you veggie-tarians). no longer does black friday mark the day of holiday wackadoodle-ness. no people. get on it! you start holiday shopping the minute after day light savings time ends. I mean we’ve been saving daylight for all these months, now its time to spend what we’ve saved! (that absolutely makes no sense. lame. I tried.)

most importante thing of holiday shopping is stocking stuffers. it’s the accoutrement of the holiday gift. so if youre gonna get me one, get me something good. cause im all about condom-ents.

so since I got like 50 ipods, what better garnish than a mini mp3 speaker (by marc by marc jacobs of course…)

hold the parsley.

Friday, November 5, 2010

jones bacon soda "sluggy" holiday pack

if I wasn’t so hungover, I wouldn’t have just puked in my garbage can at the notion of bacon soda.

tho if I was drunk enough, I’d try a jack and bacon soda. dude when you get to the point of drunk, you’ll pretty much drink anything.

…and “do” pretty much anything

I know. lame post. im sluggy sluggish today. literally probably every post today will pretty much be a rotten fat goose egg.

barf. eggs. ewe.

click for more info: jones bacon soda holiday pack

Thursday, November 4, 2010

white castle pulled "waiver" pork

dude. ive literally been outta the game. someone needs to place me on fast food waivers cause my food performance is horrible. if you got me on your fast food fantasy team, drop my @ss. actually I’ll make it easier, i’ll put myself on injured [food fatty] reserve. definitely. indefinitely.

when the f*ck did sh!t castle make pulled pork sangwiches?! meandering white castle’s website has been life food changing.

I mean the item description says it all on the “menu” section of the site. “it’s white castle. it’s pulled pork. you’re welcome.”

that is food poetry to my belly. now pulled pork sangwich…

get. in. ma. belly!!

ps: how cute?! my internet explorer tab has a little hamburger when you open up whitecastle.com on it. sooo cute I had to take a screen shot.

pps: notice. the most awesome-ist and tastiest blog in the universe (shopping out loud.)’s tab is sitting next to whitecastle.com tab. its like elvis sitting next to michael jackson. superstar match made in heaven. literally.

click for more info: white castle pulled pork

white castle "uhh" breakfast

uh. since when did white castle serve breakfast?!

this has been the best kept secret (from me) since finding out mariah carey is preggo.

speakin of preggo. im must be preggo (which literally would be an act of god in this case). im trolling/stalking the internet looking for pictures of [sexy] food. like, staring at my computer screen looking/swooning at pictures of fast food. I mean it doesn’t help that they photoshop airbrush these foods to look extra [sexy] juicy. its makes my food pheromones race.

oooh baby. sausage cheese on bun, you is a hot tamale! [insert cat call whistle whistle].

its literally like me clicking thru the white castle website is like a perv clicking thru playboy.com. the similarities are striking.

I got mad issues.

click for more info: white castle breakfast

white castle flavored "oof" chicken rings

trolling the white castle website. be prepared for a windfall of posts on sh!t castle quality foods.

limited time only! in honor of the return of flavored chicken rings, free 3-piece chicken ring w/any purch@ss. expires 11/30/10. btw. I literally wasted a ream of paper printing out a month long supply copies of this coupon. tho I’ll be lucky if those coupons last me a couple weeks, let a alone a week. ima fatty!

and as a loyal and lifetime white castle customer, I am attaching the coupon link and picture.

oof. just got a terrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrriffic idea. dip these b!tches in a vat of blue cheese.

oof. even terrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrriffic-er idea. sprinkle some spicy buffalo sauce on top.

oof. ima fatty. they say fat kid love cake? well this fat kid loooooves me some sh!t castle.

…well, and cake too.

gold bff "obnoxious" chat necklace

my [icy cold] heart melted when I saw this necklace. listen im pms-ing. this is the best and worst time to get me.

worst: if you bother me, I’ll kill you.

best: if you wanna see me cry/gush over the stoopidest sh!t. ie: spilt leche…

this reminds me of when I was in 4th grade and bought one of those best friend heart necklaces that broke into 2 pieces. so obviously I keep one and my “bff” at that time (I had a revolving door of bff’s for obvious reasons. currently being an obnoxious adult [me] usually pretty much means I was a f*cking obnoxious adolescent [lil me]) kept the other one.

well, obnoxious lil me brings the other half to school one and pretty much asks a roster of chicks at the lunch table, so who should I give this to? like literally interviewing each one for the coveted position as my executive bff. eventually the bff [job] search ended with no avail. so I ended up keeping the other half for myself. lol…

not much as changed in the last 20 years. yes. 2 decades. yes. 4 half decades. yes. 5 leap years. yes. 240 months. anywho. meaning, if im buying you a gift, im usually gonna keep it and give you a lump of coal.

im a super [mutated] breed of an indian giver. get used to it. bah fn humbug.

ps: I have no fn business being on bloomingdales.com. I kno. however, im busy looking for a 60th birthday pressy for my mommy. and obviously, im not doing a great job lookin for her pressy. but doin a dang good job lookin for my own pressy and pressies for me, myself and i. see im not that selfish.