Thursday, September 16, 2010

dj gallo view from the "hip" upper deck

“if the onion were to go all-sports, it would look like this.” – sports illustrated

should dj gallo was re-incarnated into a chick*, he would be me.

*and yes. I am a chick. I do posses the necessary female genitalia to qualify as a xx chromosomal homosapien, contrary to my foul mouthed beer gut attitude problem/demeanor.

dj gallo is the man. I bow to his sportspickle. (heh heh).

dj and I should just get married. can you imagine our wedding vows? the [monsoon] drips of sarcasm when we profess our goo-goo [lady] ga-ga love would reach heights of hilarity. dude. that’s when you know it’s a match made in [screaming] satire heaven.

however, a little weary of procreating children. literally they’ll be shootin from the hip right outta the womb. the kid’s gonna have one smart mouth. and by the age of 3, he’ll have is own award winning kiddie blog entitled “I don’t do veggies, so why the f*ck do I have to eat em?” where he chronicles his g.f.y.m/d. (go f*ck yourself mom/dad) moments and struggles with adjusting to life after the terrible 2’s.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

envirosax cookie "kookie" monster bag

cookie monster bag! what ive always wanted…

dude. these bags are durrr-able. it holds up to 44lbs! you can shove a whole toddler and/or a pre-schooler in one of these sacks.

if I get stopped by child and family services agent, I’ll just blame cookie monster and say he thought the kiddies were kookies. hehe…

click for more info: envirosax cookie monster bag

enviorsax greengrocer "skillz" pouches

this set would be nice if I had enough money to afford more than one bag of groceries per trip to the stupidmarket. actually sometimes I don’t even ask for a bag, since I buy soo few groceries I can literally carry them in my arms. now that’s saving the environment!

free ballin your groceries back to your house. that’s some [green] skillz son.

click for more info: envirosax greengrocer pouches

envirosax mini "save" sax bag 2

uh how cuuute is this?

a new and “green” way to bring your brown bag lunch to work. and its got a lil cuppy holder for your lil [boozy] drinky drink. maybe it’ll encourage me to bring my lunch to work instead of spending [wasting] $10 a day in feeding ma belly on the most important meal of [my] day. lunch. I love you lunch.

tho, as “green” as im tryin to be with the environment, I really need to get “greener” with my money. (nice analogy right?) I waste my benjamins (actually im lucky to even have a george washington in my wallet) like I got the bankroll of steve jobs, oprah [love you] and bill gates combined.

yea. no. not even jesus and god (even throw in moses and the wise men) make that much cash combined.

save the earth! save my bank account! save the whales! save ferris!

click for more info: enviorsax mini sax bag 2

nike nike+ gps "documentary" app for iphone

dude. this would be a embarrassment for me.

the gps would show me make it maybe 5 blocks outside my apartment, then….the end. I mean theres commercial jingles that last longer than my maximum capacity to go for a run. ok, maybe to give myself some teeny credit, I can probably run longer than a gap christmas commercial. impressive eh?

in conclusion. cool app. not cool for lazy ex-smokers with shoddy sh!t knees and absolutely zilch endurance.

tho…. !

idea: maybe I can use this app to track my goings/happenings on a night out in the town. then at least I’ll have some sorta documentary on the tail end of my bar bender binge night. (since my brain doesn’t seem to absorb memory in the event of a blackout).

click for more info: nike nike+ gps app for iphone

Friday, September 10, 2010

fred "im getting" toasted notes

since it’s the @ss end of the day and the @ss end of the week, im pretty much checked out. so to waste away the last 2 hours of work, I stalk people on facebook and/or comment on every status update and picture. (note: please don’t look for me on facebook if youre not already my friend. I don’t need anymore. j/k. well not really…)

so a facebook friend asks anyone been to joshua tree?

naturally my alcoholic brain is thinking the bar in murray hill.

so nope. he’s talking about the joshua tree in california. which btw. had nooo idea existed.

naturally my mind at 3:47pm is focused on 1 thing and 1 thing only. happy hour. duh.

I blow this popsicle stand in t-minus 13 minutes. I make my own happy hours. biooootch.

ps: speakin of toasted. that’s what I will be in t-minus 10 beers from now.

pps: i’ll need to write my home address on a toasted note now, so I can give to cabbie to get my stumblin bumblin @ss home tonite. hehe.

ppps: see how useful this sh!t I post about are? (whoah was that like correct grammar?)

click for more info: fred toasted notes

nike air max courtballistec 2.3 tennis "the man" shoe

congrats to rafa “wedgie pick king” nadal in making into the us open semis with the defeat of his fellow countryman verdasco.

dude. rafa is the man. aside from the fact he is dating some smokin hot model from spain (I tink) and he’s got the #1 ranking in mens tennis. I mean those reasons alone make him the man.

but my reasons that rafa is the man are, he’s got nike as a sponsor. like ahhh…! (cue: halo above nike swoosh and flip the light switches on in the heavens).

and he has the sickest gear made pacifically for him. like ahhh…! (cue: halo above nike air max courtballistec shoe).

and not even just that, it comes in the sickest color scheme nike has ever coupled. black and neon green. like ahhh…! (cue: halo above…well just a halo).

and its has the prefix “air max”. like no one [shoe] just gets the “air max” prefix. like you have to be especial. ie: air max burst, air max 95, air max 97, air max tailwinds. those are iconic nikes. so, for rafa to have his own shoes baptized with air max is muy grande deal.

so my point is, to bring a summation to my post:

rafa is the man. nike is god. and I am thirsty for an alcoholic beverage.

get me some nikes so I can run my @ss to the baaar.

viva la rafa wedgie! …and espana!

…maybe i’ll have some sangria tonite.

apple ipod "r.i.p." nano 6G

im uber tempted to add to my [kate plus 8] brood of iapplings ever since the yearly fall announcement by steve jobs [my father] of new apple products couple weeks ago.

I currently own at least 1 gidgaget from each ipod/iphone line. with the exception of a nano. last year we lost 1G nano. we think he succumbed to over usage. however, a final autopsy was never performed so an official cause of sh!tting the bed is undetermined.

anywho. the new nano its like uber chic. its like apple just kicked the design model for this new b!tch into [lets get] high gear. I mean it looks like someone took an itouch and threw it in the dryer for like 5 hours. its so eeny meeny teeny tiny miney moe.

plus I cant plug my nike + ipod sport doesn’t work with my 2G shuffle and 3G shuffle. and I aint bringing ipod classic or iphone 4G or 3G to the gym with me, too friggn big.

I mean I have no choice. ive tried to reason with [me] myself [and I] through this pickle of a situation. the only solution we have come to is to get one.

guess I have to look for a bigger place. me and the iapplings are outgrowing my current matchbox apartment...

ps: whoah, we’re at 6G nano already? whoah. my dearly departed 1G musta really lasted a loooong time. r.i.p. in apple heaven my dear…

click for more info: apple ipod nano 6G

Thursday, September 9, 2010

design spray "dull" apfelbrett macbook cutting board

funny. my boy T forwarded me this kitschy kitchen accessory (must have for you apple iwhores).

funny. I have like 2 dead macbooks in my apartment rotting away underneath my couch. I could just resurrect one of them and use it as my crafty cutting surface and save the €43 in buying the legit bamboo one (too lazy to convert to $. if you really care, go convert yourself on

funny. tho I think my trusty ole metal powerbook would dull my razor sharp wusthof knife. that would be a no bueno.

funny. why would this non-cooking non-chef own like a $200 wusthof knife? well I figure if you’re gonna hold a knife to an intruder (I live in nyc people), figure the sharpest and most expensives ones would be the most effective?

ps: props to my girl jenny jen. I stole the word iwhore from her. genius girl. genius. funny.

nikon "in new here" d3100

i have: d3000
this is: d3100

d3100: 14.2 megapixels
mine: I have no clue (haven’t even opened the instruction book yet)

it (d3100) has that I (d3000) doesn’t have: records video, auto preview, and etc. (actually im just too lazy to read/comprehend the “other” specs).

pretty much: I just want because its just newer.

cant that be reason enough?

disclaimer: if you want real reasons why to buy this new guy, go read like some legit photography blog. this blog is the most superficial shopping guide you will come across. if its new, hot, made by marc jacobs or just expensive I will tell you to buy it.

click for more info: nikon d3100

nike roger that mens t-shirt

another year another us open. I do go to these every year. not just cause of the tennis. not just cause of the “buzz worthy” atmosphere. not just case of the overpriced dee-lish food. not just cause I love ralph lauren.

its cause I wanna re-live my glory days of being a ball girl. im sure ive mentioned this before in my blog. but I don’t care. its gotta be the coolest gig (and lowest paying at $4.75/hr) ever. so cool ive begun to add it to my [stellar] resume. I figure it’ll be a nice conversational piece next to my [yawn] employment history and [yawn] edu-ma-cational deets.

sooo pretty much im still riding the coat tails of my accomplishments as a youth. since so far as an adult, my accomplishments/accolades have pretty much plateau-ed.

listen. it happens to every teenage prodigy. we cant be perfect and overachievers all our lives.

just had flashbacks of piano lessons, tennis lessons, karate lessons, art lessons…

I’ll never be michelle kwan!! (as I screamed to my mom one day as a 16 year old). tho the irony is, I never took figure skating lessons, since my parents made me go to korean school instead on my weekends.

ps: apparently this post is like my memoir of my childhood past. ima gonna put the kibosh on it now, or else its gonna be a diarrhea of just diarrhea.

pps: roger federer is the sh!t. figured id mention something of the product im blogging about…

click for more info: nike roger that mens t-shirt