Tuesday, November 24, 2009

belly art beautiful "gut" bellies


if you wanna permanently capture the essence of your hot and zexy pregnancy bod while you're w/child (bloated, fat and waddling), well youre in luck. they sell these kits to encapture this glorious moment for you to cherish for years and years. so when your kid turns 16 and turns into this massive back talking pain in the whoo-haa, you can bust this work of art and crack em over the head with it everytime theyve done something naughty.

or if you're just fat from drinking massive quantities of beer for years and years, you can encapture the beauty of your beer gut belly with this kit as well. so for generations and generations, you can show off and pass down this work of art as it displays all the hardwork and dedication you went through to accomplish such a plump and beautifully rounded beer gut.

if you choose option #2, i suggest you buy 2 (or 5) kits. dont think 1 comes with enough plaster to "capture" all of your beer gut glory...

click for more info: belly art beautiful bellies

timbuk2 "take" pride messenger


my 1st poli-tickal tag. obviously not a poli-tickal person. since (a) i refuse to spell it correctly (b) im not registered to vote

however those jury duty bastards somehow got to me. dunno how. but ive been summoned to appear for duty december 9th. like w.t.f.? f.m.l...

i can barely make a decision every morning on what im going to wear or what kinda bagel i want or what kinda cream cheese i want, let alone deciding someone's fate in a trial. the poor guy who ends up having [ret@rd] me on their jury.

well apparently in the u.s. of a, there are a buncha ret@rd voters. prop h8te was passed in california and most recently in maine outlawing same sex marriage. friggin ignorant bastards. turn on a tv or read perez hilton.com and get your ignant head outta your @ss and recognize.

ok. thats as poli-tickal as i get. aside from the fact that i think taxes should be lowered, the drinking age should be 18,

listen. i try not to be controversial. i hence the constant potty-mouth non-sensical not-making-sense jibber jabber dribble i blog.

click for more info: timbuk2 pride messenger

forever 21 love & "oogly" beauty makeup line


they say beauty is pain. beauty also usually costs money. well i guess the ooglier someone is the more expensive beauty will be.

or if you think you're really oogly, then that just gets dang expensive. you figure the sheer amount of makeup needed and not to mention throwing in the cost of a shrink to therapy-ize your f*cked up sense of self image. ex-pen-sive.

however the wizards that be at the forever 21 empire who have made a sh!t ton of dough selling cheap trendy clothing to the public have now introduced a cheap trendy makeup line. watch out sephora.

from eyeliner and lip gloss costing $1.80 to eyeshadow for $2.80, cant beat that.

now if only forever 21 found a way to sell plastic surgery at such a discounted price, the world would be a more beautiful-er and fuller place.

bo-go booby implants. now that'll be the day...

Thursday, November 19, 2009

ippolita rock "lick" candy ring


this bauble is the size of a grown ape's nut sack. sorry thats the 1st thing that pooped into my head. im one sick f*ck.

2nd thing that pooped in my head. its the "real" version of a ring pop. too bad when you lick the "real" one, you dont get the scrumptious taste of artifical sugar flava.

haha. nutsack and lick all in the same blog....


click for more info: ippolita rock candy ring

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

sally hansen insta-dri "hurry up" fast dry nail polish


excuse the over a week absence from blogging. i actually was avoiding posting anything. i was feeling pretty vacant in the head. like they say, if you have nothing nice (or witty) to say, dont say it at all.

a motto which i probably should follow everyday, as 99.9% of things that come out of my mouth are not nice. just ask my neighbors at work, or better yet my sister.

anywho. in happier [times] news: yay! nail polish for people lacking any sorta patience [me]. waiting for nail polish to dry is literally like watching paint dry or a waiting for a snail to complete a 100 yard dash. f*cking brutal.

even better, the brush inside is not flat, its actually shaped in a "u" shape which ironically (im sure the brains of sally hansen did this on purpose) is in the same shape as people's nail beds. brilliant!

this makes it easier for the nail polish applying challenged (i was gonna use "retards" but as a pre-new years resolution to be kind [and rewind], i refrained) to "color" inside the lines and make pretty manicure.

well sh!t with this schlumping sh!t tit economy, who has the extra dough to get pampered with these "extra" beauty services like manicures? obviously not me, since i havent gotten a hair cut in over 6 months. ya. i know. eww. gross...

Thursday, November 5, 2009

apple magic "mighty" mouse


i wish i could double click away my hangover.

i blame this throbbing headache on the yankees. i had to get drunk to numb the pain of them winning the world series. mission accomplished, and then some...

ok. now ive hit the usual 2:00pm-next-day-hangover-wall. like head on collision.

this [mighty] mouse, it takes little effort to operate. and i am making little effort to operate today.

click for more info: apple magic mouse

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

wesc bloody beetroots "abhorrent" headphones

these would come in handy today. i walked into work on fire. like en fuego [yea. take that billingual-ness anger!!!].


so apparently if you walk into work muttering the words "i hate everyone" and have a permanent scowl on your face from 8:00am - 5:30pm, i would ass-u-me you:

(a) hate your job
(b) hate your co-workers
(c) hate life. like f*ck my life (f.m.l.) hate
(d) hate to just hate
(e) hate haters
(f) hate

also aside the fact i actually created [this] blog just help pass the time and ease the torture of the place just shows the severity of my disgruntle-ment. like harrr-umph!

ok. i dont hate every[one]thing. i love my boss. which i guess is kinda important (especially come bonus time). i mostly hate some of the stoopids i work with. hence these ear muffs coming in handy when these stoopids pass by, i have a good excuse to ignore them b!tches. cuz i cant hear your yip yappin' @ss mofo.

...and i boy will i look stylish too avoiding your abhorrent @ss.

now i'll just have to use abhorrent 4 more times, and it'll be my word forever and ever and ever. that should not be a problemo. especially today. i have a few choice people i can call abhorrent [to their face].

click for more info: wesc bloody beetroots headphones

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

nixon mens the "formica" murf watch

the name alone for this watch "the murf" = cool beans. very retro 60's/70's look. its like someone slapped a piece of formica on top of the watch. awesome design touch i must say.

however, i am in no way even gonna try to figure out how to read the time on this piece of time. i mean i just got all ferklempt. reading time on a non-digital watch alone is f*cking hard enough. the worst is when the little hand is in between 2 numbers, that like freaks me out. especially on watches with no #'s. like why make it more difficult-er on us people? life is hard enough. sheesh.

click for more info: nixon mens the murf watch

Monday, November 2, 2009

anthropologie jeweled "re-run" giraffe necklace


i never get sick of watching sex and the city re-runs like everyday (thrice a day). ive watched every episode like 900 times and i'll keep watching it as long as tbs and the cw keep re-running the show.

so un-surprisingly, ive watched the sex and the city movie for like the 550th time this weekend. this necklace totally reminds me of the part when [desperate] carrie is looking for a new assistant and she interviews the asian dude in the suit. when asked why this job? camera pans down [you like my film lingo, eh?] and he's rocking some hot pink [cadillac] pumps such as these on gerry the giraffe.

why they pick a giraffe is beyond me. its like why they pick a professionally dressed asian dude to wear bright @ss pink pumps in the movie? who f*cking knows. maybe it was the most unexpected juxtaposition they could think of, which immediately is supposed to make it funny. guess thats something you learn in "funny film script writing 101". which apparently i took in college, but never showed up for. [shocker.] however pulled [out of my @ss] a passing grade. genious.

its like 20 years ago, when tv and movies 1st had white people act "black", that was funny. now its just friggin plaaayed the f*ck out. like white grandma sayin yo yo yo homie (with a backwards hat on) = not hysterical. like think of new material, por favor. or take that "funny film script writing 101" class i "learned" soo much from.

i dunno went off on a tangent. its monday, ive been sober for 48 hours and its the day after daylight savings time. im way outta my equilibrium.

ps: a great example on how im all outs of sorts. i keep spelling giraffe, giraffee. maybe its cause of my coffee sobriety kick. its been over a month since ive been coffee free. maybe in my mind im subconsciously craving it. or maybe again, im just f*cking looney [tunes] today.

ok i'll shut up. looney [bin] signing off...