Friday, May 29, 2009

chloe paddington "say wha?" padlock bag



still awake. but barely. its a miracle i can even type let alone sit up vertical at this point.

maybe in hindsight i can blame my current dellusional-ism on the lack of zzz's, but i seriously think i can afford to buy this goooorgeous chloe bag. i think its like only $2000. since my sight is a bit hazy at the moment due to sleep deprivation, $2000 looks more like $200. so at the moment its looking pretty dang affordable.

well until i get the credit card bill. then im a gonna wanna jump off a cliff.

click for more info: chloe paddington padlock bag

sunpentown stainless portable ice "coold" maker



im function on 2 hours of sleep. so please excuse the non-sense i am typing if it happens not to make sense. cause honestly as i am typing i am seeing double and my head feels like it weighs 2 tons. *yawn*

so im a big fan of ice. like i dont drink h2o or any sort of beverage unless its ice cold. like i dont play. however too bad [wah wah] i live in an apartment the size of a gingerbread house. my refridgerator [to describe it mildly] is the size of one of those mini-me ones you had in your college dorm room. so in essence the freezer portion is one of those ghetto flip down compartments that fits maybe 2 boxes of frozen brussel sprouts and 2 trays of ice cubes. ya. no. with summer coming up, thats not going to cut it.

well this is when the bright [fluorescent] light bulb turns on at the top of my head. why not see if they make mini ice makers? low and behold. they do! i mean this guy above is pretty fancy schamcy with timers and all that crap. but all i give a sh!t is it makes ice faster than i can chug an irish car bomb [which is pretty dang quick].

did i mention my birthday is coming up? hint hint...

click for more info: sunpentown stainless protable ice maker

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

syracuse orange "dynasty" 2009 ncca lacrosse championship tee



in the midst of a gluttonous day of bbq'ing at che de parents yesterday, i was plopped in front of a tv watching seriously one of the bestest lacrosse games ever [while chomping on some grilled corn]. i mean cuse is down 9-6, with under 5 minutes to go, they come back to tie the game and then win it on sudden death overtime. just sick!

btw. 11 time national champions. that is insane. and they call the yankees a dynasty? pish posh. cuse has won 11 titles since 1983. the stoopid yanks have what? 26 in like over 100 years.

all hail syracuse lacrosse dynasty. buy this tee. oh it comes in girly sizes too.

click for more info: syracuse orange 2009 lacrosse national championship tee

vinturi "with age" wine aerator



there is no glamorous explanation why i havent posted in 10 days. i wasnt on vaca (broke). i wasnt on a road trip (broke). i wasnt out shopping at the outlets (broke). i was out at the bars slingin away hours of beer pong games on this glorious memorial weekend (thats why im always broke). oh yea and work kinda kept me busy. aww shucks.

so i came across this while brainstorming what to get the pops for father's day. yes people, its coming up. june 21st. btw, that is the same day my moms gave birth to glorious ole me (mark your calendar, b!tches). i do however get the shaft every 7 years when father's day falls on my birthday. whatever. im used to getting my thunder stolen. i am a middle child, remember?

ive seen this used at a winery in sonoma in my visits to san francisco. apparently it airs out the red wine when poured into this contraption. so instead of doin that stuffy "i drink wine like a snot" swirl of the wine glass when poured the vino, this replaces that need to be a wine douche action.

i may sound like a hater to wine connoisseurs. sue me. its just irking to see people get snotty about wine. like who gives a f*ck. as long as the sh!t gets you a buzz or in my case, just hammered, i dont give a hoot.

i guess tho with time, like good wine, my asinine attitude would get better with age. i'll let you know after june 21st, if ive matured. but, unless my attitude is like a $3.00 bottle of 2 buck chuck wine from trader [h]joes, then im just asked out.

click for more info: vinturi wine aerator

Friday, May 15, 2009

guinea "i wanna!" pig



i cant take it anymore. i want one of these furballs, bad.

btw. oh the horror. when google image-ing for a guinea pig, i came across a picture of a fried g piggie. eek squeak! apparently they're a delicacy in peru. ick.

i really miss the little squeakers. i had two, they obviously died and are no longer with us. they're both buried in the pet sematary of a backyard of my parent's house along with my rabbit, 2 hamsters, 1 gerbil, and 1 goldfish. dont ask, that stoopid fat orange fish was my sister's. she went ape sh!t when my dad tried to flush it down the toilet (after it died of course) and ended up clogging it. so we buried the porker.

judging tho of my laundry list of dead pets, probably not a good idea for me to get another one. bunk...

ps: my psycho-@ss keeps petting this guy above with the cursor of my computer mouse. issues...

click for more info: adopt a guinea pig

abercrombie & fitch isabel "yellow?" cami



as history serves me correct, abercrombie has typically been deemed a "white" or lemme be pc and say "caucasian" kinda brand. i mean you say abercrombie, and the first image that poops in your [well my] head are buff hot caucasian [of college age] males frolicking in the grassy fields with flip flops, jeans and no shirts on [hot].

so I, who historically has been shunned by the asian folks (i dunno, cause im tall? and i dont like taking pictures with that stoopid peace sign pose?) decided to befriend the caucasian race. hence, by everlasting love of abercrombie which i discovered looong time ago and rocked since high school. yes im old.

god im so white. or i guess the correct term is "twinkie". get it. yellow on the outside, white in the inside? duh.

however. recently it has become trendy in the asian people relm to be "caucasian" and love/like everything caucasian. hence, the explanation why when you enter an abercrombie store (at a strip mall near you) you see the swarm of asian people in the sale section. jesus christ! stop stealing my stee-lo. go back to wearing jnco jeans and ufo's and leave my brand alone. god. so annoying.

anywho. who likes this top? me! i do...

ps: if you havent figured it out, i am asian. so no, im not racist and i have all the permission in the world to hate on my own people. xP

click for more info: abercrombie & fitch isabel cami

gadget4all strawberry "adore-abe" desktop vacuum



this sh!t must be a dream for you hypo-con-driacs.

the office is a breeding ground of germs, and whatever sorta flesh-eating kinda bacterias that exist. like purely nasty. i think there was a science experiment once conducted where they [q-tip] swabbed some slob's keyboard and compared it to the inside of a toilet.

f*ck phone call. i hate when work gets in the way of a post. wtf. thanks for interrupting my trail of flooow.

any-what-which-way...

so guess who won this fierce head-to-head pertri dish battle? yes, the slob. i mean just josie grossy grody. eek.

however as i now realize (as the caffeine [coffee] haze parts [like moses] in my brain momentarily), this stawberry vacuum has nothing to do with sanitizing your desk. it just picks up dust. god, and i thought so early in the morning i was lucid enough to compose a post on this adore-abe creature.

well i got another 8 hours to go until the happy hour clock strikes 5:00pm. so, stay tuned for more caffeine induced crazed posts. seriously tho, i cant be held accountable for any sorta incoherent gib-jab-gibberish from now on. ima wired as a 1000 watt light bulb.

wo000ooo0000oooo0000oooow wee333eee...

now just imagine me on drugs. [laugh out loud]

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

nathan flip straw "oasis" water bottle



im my valiant efforts to drink more water, i purchased this h2o bottle at my local model sporting goods store. i figure its prettier container for water [instead of boring mr. white paper cup] and a more funner way to drink. seriously im like a 6 year old kid. its like if the toothbrush aint the shape of spongebob square pants, i wont brush my teeth. i need to be entertained when doing the most mundane bodily [hygiene] maintenance.

so instead of drinking about a cup of water a day [3/4's of that is the spit i swallow] im now consuming about 1000ml. i wont to convert that to ounces cause a 1000 of anything sounds like alot of anything. im literally in dire need of h2o because i get the gold medal in depriving me bod of any sorta liquid hydration. a daily streaming diet of coffee, diet coke and of course mass quantities of anything alcoholic just makes my pores scream for water like theyre stranded in the middle of the sahara with no h20 in sight.

i wish i was a camel...
humpity, hump, hump.

click for more info: nathan flip straw water bottle

Monday, May 11, 2009

kifaru e&e back "its official" pouch



for you hardcore wannabe paul bunyan lumberjacks, here comes a line of hunting gear thats waaay official (and stylish, i must say). this is not your typical jansport book bag. i mean just take a look at their website. they have a "military" section that provides a nice array of combat sleds [whatever the f*ck that is...].

also i found that in order to buy kifaru stuff, its only sold on their website. thats some hardcore exclusive sh!t. and besides the fact the bag looks like it went to through some bondage party its got all these compartments, loops and what-nots to hold your worldly belongings.

not for nothing, this sh!t would be perfect for mary poppins. she can keep all that sh!t in her bag organized, so when she wants to pull out that hat stand or a lamp, she'll know where it is...

click for more info: kifaru e&e back pouch

louisville slugger "milestone" mother's day bat



in honor of my 100th post, im taking this opportunity to write about spending your dough for a very good cause. if you were remotely watching baseball games and/or while boozin it up at your local irish pub yesterday, you wouldve noticed the pink bats and sweat bands being used by mlb players. and no, the color saturation scale on your televison wasnt out of wack-o, the bats really were pink.

partnering with the susan g. komen foundation and mlb, louisville slugger produced these "going to bat" baseball bats for players to use on mother's day and also selling a bunch to the public. $10 per bat sold will go to the foundation in the fight against breast cancer. you can still purchase them on mlb.com or at most sporting good stores.

it takes a brave man to swing a pink bat, but takes an even braver woman to battle breast cancer. if you would like more information on the susan g. komen foundation please visit: http://ww5.komen.org/

Friday, May 8, 2009

fendi "losin' it" charms



so i think either the fendi accessory designer has gone off the deep end or he/she went to the tim burton fashion institute of design. i mean im a bit taken a back, fendi is usually pertty comtemporary-chic, so when they pull this sh!t out of their @sses this season, i dont know what the f*ck to think?

its probably a inadvertant interpretation of how rich people are feeling these days. i mean never in their lives have they felt closer to the common folk [monetarily]. sh!t if i had to let go my maid and clean a toilet for the 1st time in my life, i too would probably lose my sh!t.

click for more info: fendi bag charms

Thursday, May 7, 2009

worldwide fred pac-man "waka waka" hothead oven mitt



aside the fact i suck at pac-man, i still have a soft spot in my [stone-cold] heart for the little yellow dot. i mean he just brings joy everytime you look into his bright little smilin face. didnt james taylor write a song like that?...

so in honor of the "light of my life", i will forever brand [tattoo] this guy on my bod. i got this mole on the inside of my fore-arm the size of a hamster [nub] tail and im gonna get pac-man eating it. how coolio is that?

oh yea. i dont cook. or bake. but my sole purpose [in life] in buying this is when i shove this mitt in my sister's (or bro's, whichever on pee's me off more) face and yell "waka waka waka" it'll match my forth-coming tattoo.

bad taste bears "excited" jack



is that a gun in your pocket? or are you just happy to see me?

lol. i crack myself up.

even funnier is the "description" on the website:
description: this is what happens when you play with your magic beans...

god. these arent your typical [goody goody] paddington bear figurines. trust me. you can go to riker's island and find "tamer" lunatics than the ones they sell on this website. disturbing...

ps: this is fair warning. i may post on every single bear they sell, because its nice to see something more disturbing than anything i can spew out of my brain. dont worry there's only 80 of em. i'll make it quick and pain[ful]less. so dont hit unsubscribe just yet. pertty pleeease.

click for more info: bad taste bears jack

worldwide fred "what i learned from school today..." to-to tattoo



in a fit of anger after an argument with the old-er sister, i told my friends who witnessed my [ever entertaining rage-fest] that she needs to go to clown school and grow a friggin brain.

apparently thru sister-ly mental to mental transfer or some divine sh!t, she got the message. i got a list of weirdo/cool thangs to blog about from her last night. which hey, awesome. less work for me, all i gotta do is whip up some geniously [sarcastic] literary words and turn them into a kinda funny post.

come to think of it, since the sister is a recent grad of clown school, she may need this to-do tattoo in case she forgets a thing or two she learned from professor bobo. mean, do you remember everything you learned in grammar school? sh!t i forget what the f*ck a prime number is...

click for more info: worldwide fred to-do tattoo

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

mta subway "oh sh!t" grab hold



with this new so called pandemic called the swine flu goin around, i figure this would be perfect way to reduce the spread of germs/bacteria/what other nasty sh!t floatin around nyc subway train. [eek.]

for those daily bumpy [squished like sardine] rush hour subway rides, if youre one of those super paranoid ocd germa-phobe freak-a-zoids, who dont dare touch the communal poles, then this can be your personal "oh shit" handle. just slap on one of those super duper suction cups (probably can find in one of those cheesy finger hut catalogs) and voila, no more sharing the pole with icky poo poo people.

ps: this brilliant idea was hatched as i was stuck on a jam-packed stalled 4 train this morn because of some dumbf*ck [swine flu infested] sick passenger. stoopid f*ck shouldve just rolled their sick @ss off the train and laid "sick" on the platform. sheesh. thanks for making me tardy to work! @-hole.

click for more info: mta subway grab hold

Friday, May 1, 2009

kate spade mother's day "passin' wind" candle



also to show how much i love you momma (on your day), i give you this beaaautiful candle that shows how "tickled [me elmo] pink" i am to be your offspring.

ps: its scented. hopefully this little candle [that could] is mighty enough to mask pop's [silent, but lethal] gaseous emissions.

on second thought: i'll put in an order for 10 more. this little guy will need some back up troops.

click for more info: kate spade mother's day candle

jack spade "en vogue" matchbook cover




for you fashion divas/divos who just can bear to be seen carrying such tacky matches with duane reade logos, jackie spade comes to your rescue with these boarskin matchbook covers. i mean, jesus, any fashion whore has to floss such fierce gear, especially chic matchbook covers. like duh.

btw: took me like 20 minutes to decide what category to file this dude under. finally decided on toys/knick-knacks. its not technically a gadget/gizmo. its more of a knick-knack. well according to merriam-webster:

Main Entry: knick·knack
Variant(s): also nick·nack \'nik-,nak\
Function: noun
Etymology: reduplication of knack
Date: 1682
Def: a small trivial article usually intended for ornament

1682? cant imagine historic scholarly peeps such as benny franklin or tommy jefferson utilizing such silly verbage.

apparently not, cause last time i checked, the word knick-knack doesnt appear in the constitution...

click for more info: jack spade matchbook cover