Monday, March 30, 2009

apple "newborn baby" iphone 3g



im sure everyone in this planet knows how cool this thing is. but let me friggin tell you...

i joined the iphone cult this past weekend, and its ridiculously amazing how life changing this guy is. it literally was like giving birth to a kid and experiencing the flood of joy and happiness that fills your life. ok, fine. i clearly dont have kids and im sure parents all over the world want to do some serious harm to me because of my overly [joyful] presumptious statement on child bearing/rearing.

in all seriousness, bless my blackberry for deciding to hate me and stop working. [good riddance, @sshole.] you twisted my arm to jump the verizon ship (well at a cost of $90 for early termination. f*ck faces) and join the at&t world of iphones. oh glee. this might actually help in making me a nicer [and happier] person. lookout world...

side note: in addition to doing nothing at work but shop online, read gossip columns and blog to you people, playing with my iphone and all the apps is another thing to keep me away from doing the job i actually get paid for.

it is a dang wonderful life.

click for more info: apple iphone 3g

kreppy doll factory "wacko" dan baxter dolls





its rare you find anything more disturbing than the usual thoughts and ideas that run in my noggin. however, these dolls really give my wack job of a mind a run for its money [pennies.] eureka.

i ran into this dude daniel baxter in union square couple years back, and he had a table filled with these dolls of disturbia. dont get me wrong, they are some cute f*ckers, but a bit wacked-out looking. ok, maybe not as wacko looking as michael jacko [jackson], but gosh dang close. he pretty much just gets scraps of anything you can sew and creates these frankenstein-esque dollies. daniel [igor] gave me his business card, which actually still sits atop my "desk" in my apartment. which yesterday, i for some reason decided to notice it in my efforts to spring clean my abode. (not very successfully.)

so, if you want to buy your momma a crazed dolly for the upcoming mother's day [great gift idea?], there are a bunch available for online purchase. my momma already knows what a weirdo i am/have become, so a gift like this from me would not be a far stretch. btw, momma's getting al bunny [3rd doll.] its practially a self portrait of me (sans the 'stache.)

Friday, March 27, 2009

a very orange t.g.i.f.


as i sit back awaiting for the clock to strike 5:30pm EST, i reflect on my week and the many things...

ahh, who gives a f*ck. as long as cuse beats some cowboy @ss tonight, and by monday earn a berth to the final four, life will be...

alright let me stop. before i go off another stoopid tangent.

go cuuuse.
to the [open] bar i go...

tiffany stars "i do" multi-drop necklace



dude, this sh!ts a bargain compared to everything else at tiffany's. just thank your lucky stars (pun intended) im not posting about my engagement ring. and yes , im a loser. ive already picked out my ring [worth a measly $75,000 and is located in the northeast side of the 4th floor, 3rd jewelry display, 7th ring from the right] at tiffany's [727 5th Ave, New York, NY 10022] map

and yes, ive tried it on too. i have no shame.

ps: if you're the dumb f*ck that will be marrying me and my wacked out @ss and you happen to read this post, just see this as a little [bright pink] post-it note for when you buy me my ring. cause it better be the one i want. or else, the answer pretty much wont be "yes."

that should shoo away like 99.9% of the male population. whatever. im picky.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

abercrombie & fitch hopkins "flammable" trail tees





here are the male versions of "funny" a&f tees. not as "funny", actually kind of a let down [like most men.]
sorry cheap shot. but true...

however the indian pass one [middle] is friggin ret@rded-ly funny. it beautifully illustrates two logs boozing beers, while another one is doin the ever popular drunk-while-dancing-around-a-bonfire dance, the "stop, drop, and roll"
[i mean its even more popular than the chicken dance.]

i think the [drink] responsible folks over at a&f smartly added this depiction on a shirt displaying alcohol related activities and the end result of what happens when you're not careful. fire burns when you touch it, especially when your breath reeks of alcohol.

duh.

only you can prevent wildfires. - sez smokey the bear

abercrombie & fitch pamela "college" tee





for those who know me know that i still act [and drink] like a frat boy. and not so shockingly i still shop and wear abercrombie, and probably still will when im old and saggy at 80. even more shocking, i have yet to blog about my beloved a&f! [gasp]

so in honor of my cherry poppin post on a&f i give you these pamela tees. i mean the story these three tees narrate are like your "typical" trials and tribulations in college.

funny: they leave off a fourth tee in this series because if you've partied hardy like miss moose and mr. beaver [this guy gets the male gender assignment for obvious reasons] there is no senior [4th] year. your drunk @ss got the boot for being on academic probation for the 3rd straight year in a row with a cumulative gpa of 0.023. which to look on the bright side of sh!t, its lower than the national blood alcohol content level to be considered for a dui [0.080]. however let me point out, to have a 0.080 is like the deans list of academic probation. so i guess in conclusion, you're still a f*ckin idiot.

btw, i swear. to see a moose and beaver get down and party like rock stars and it be depicted so artistic-ly on cotton is absolutely hysterical. oh and another btw, in my closer studies of the artwork on these tees, apparently mr. beaver is a miss (judging by the coconut bra she is flossing on the "get leid" tee.)
woopsy daisy.

ps: what the hell is the plural form of moose? i say meese.
[ie: goose/geese, choose/cheese]

pps: honestly im too f*cking lazy to look it up and really, and i dont give a sh!t. im gonna use meese, so screw all you word snots.

click for more info: abercrombie & fitch pamela tee

flip video ultra "itty bitty" camcorder




for the non-genius: no need to insert a blank vhs to record your sh!t (see, im compassionate. i state the obvious for the dumb.) however i have to point out, if you had any sort of ink-ling of the previous sentence, then jeeeez. get your head out of that 1980's gutter (well if your aqua net teased hair head) isnt clogging it. sh!ts all digital now. get with the f*cking program amigo(a).

btw: i love how these days they make such compact gizmos. my pet guinea has been begging me for years to get her a camcorder. ive always had break her [itty bitty] heart and say, "dear, they're all too big for you. now go back in your cage and spin on your wheelie like a good girl." i mean the reaction on her face was like telling her santa claus doesnt exist. yes, compadres. sorry to break it to ya'll. that movie elf was fiction.
[cue sound: global shattering of hearts. crash. thud.]

ps: fine. i dont own a guinea pig [anymore]. i dont do pets or plants, because they all end up with the same fate. just like the ant that stuck on the bottom of my shoe currently. eew.

pps: if you're gonna purch-@ss this dude. better get it in orange. go Cuse!

ppps: yes. shameful plug for the bestest ncaa basketball team in the entire solar system [including the milky way]

click for more info: flip video ultra camcorder

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

nutritious creations low fat "skinny" chocolate chip cookie



i literally wolfed down one of these bad boys just now. apparently i still just cant stop [wont stop] eating today. and apparently cant stop posting about today's binge eating-fest.

however [index finger pointed in the air] the fact that ive chosen healthier means of feeding my binge eating-fest shows i actually have some sort [minimal] restraint. if i could say the same with spending my dough-age, id be a loaded mofo and i wouldnt have this dang blog. this cause i could afford everything i write about, and also probably be less of a b!tch.

but if im gonna be a b!tch, ima gonna be a skinny one.

robert's gourmet "gluttony" tings



i now post about tings because i can [and want] to eat an extra large potato sack of them right now. this week already f*cking sucks. i f*cking hate work and i work with some of the biggest annoying dingbats. ugh. i hate stoopid people. everyone needs to be f*cking [mensa] geniuses like me. so i cope by emotionally eating everything in sight (including my pink eraser thats "loaded" with protein.)

tings are the "healthier" version of [those fattening and orange finger causing] cheese doodles. but i guess if you eat a hunk load [potato sack] of anything deemed healthy, you're pretty much still gonna get fat.

i cant f*cking win today.

its a sign i need to go to church and confess my sins. hope the priest has a free hour or five. its gonna be a long confessional (yes, even longer than the curious case of benjamin button.)

eh yo padre, want me to pick you up some [king size] goobers on my way to church?

click for more info: robert's gourmet tings

sony p series "teenie weenie" laptop




1.4 pounds! jesus. thats lighter than how much my food on average weighs at one of those [rip-off] buffet [owned by koreans] deli places. and let me bring up an issue i have with these places. they tie your container with a rubberband. i mean that adds like $5.00 (since they charge like $94.00/lbs). ugh. apologies for going off on a tangent...

actually you know what im not. screw that. im poor.

also, my only peeve about this is, it aint an apple. im a total moron when it comes to pc's, windows, yadda yadda. this neanderthal [me] cannot handle the complexities of a pc.
sh!t needs to be like in sesame street lingo for moi [mw-ah].

ps: in about 1 1/5 years, the way this technology industry is going, they'll be making laptops small enough to fit on your keychain (perfectly next your duane reade savings card.)

click for more info: sony p series laptop

giuseppe zanotti d'orsay "candy girl" swarovski heel pumps




that 1st pic is a serious booty shot of this shoe. hot diggity dang girl back that @ss up. i mean you can just see all that shoe's glory and them some. jeebus. i need to breakout the bedazzler and plunk some rhinestones (dude, i cant afford swarovski. please.) on my @ss. cheaper [and sparklier] than @ss implants. that'll help land me and all my "glory" on some rap videos.

f*ck you pay me [like those candy chicks on that e! show].
*quoting goodfellas. i would never use such profanity.

Friday, March 20, 2009

friday. and the madness is just beginning...


we're approaching 5:30pm EST, and 24 games are in the books for the 2009 ncaa tournament. i am currently 20 for 24 in my bracket (my one and only. with the Cuse winning it all.) i wont yet call myself the 2nd coming of billy packer, but thats pretty dang good so far. yeeeeah baaaby.

also, since im actually writing post, it would mean that syracuse won its tourney opener today. in the event they had lost to #14 seed stevie f. austin, i wouldve gone off the deep end and eaten/drank myself to my grave. thankfully, that did not happen [hallelujah] and world is still gets to be blessed with my cherubic angelic existence and all the bars in nyc wont go bankrupt cause their bestest customer is rip rat rooster roaring ready to...

[i dunno] i got all worked up and brain farted. nevermind.

to the ba we go.

herve leger "safe sex" strapless foil dress



to put on and take off this pertty dress is like trying to free your piggly fingers from one of those chinese finger trap thinga-ma-bobs. i mean it functions better than most contraceptives and almost as good as abstinence. just cant get the dang thing off. oh well. [hello blue balls...]


gucci cruiser "pimp" bicycle



this aint your average huffy. and it sure doesnt cost the same [ahem...$6365]. but seriously thats a bargain when you consider the "amenities" that are included: gucci leather seats, gucci leather seat pack with a buckle (whoah), double pannier (whatever the heck that is), rear fenders (protection from that rubber-necking bike traffic, of course), rear rack and headlights.
oh and the best part: gucci handlebar bell. *ring ring*

however im a bit disgruntled. where's the streamers!? no bike would ever be complete. i'd pay an extra grand just to slap on some red & green gucci leather handlebar streamers.
pimp my cycle! where's xzibit when you need him...

fyi: i wasnt shopping for a bike [smart @sses]. this 2-wheeler just so happens to be in the "luggage" section on the gucci website.

and yes, i want gucci luggage. its my ploy to floss like a celebrity (ie: lindsay la-lohan) at the airport to trick the paparazzi into noticing me and take my pic. dont hate cause you didnt think of that ingenious idea. suckas.

click for more info: gucci cruiser bicycle

Thursday, March 19, 2009

dogeared life's a "biotch" beach necklace



i buy this necklace. put it on. close my eyes, click my [ruby red sequin'd] heels and chant "there's no place like the beach. there's no place like the beach." open my eyes, and see...

friggin astroland? wtf? out of all f*ckin beaches, they choose coney island? that or someone call the maytag dude, cause that dang telepathopretoport machine is broke. i want my money back and $2.00 for the shipping & handling charge to get my miserable @ss back home on the subway.

update: ok, so it maybe partially my fault [gasp]. shouldve specified which beach upon the clicking of heels. guess thats what happens when you dont read instructions. phooey.

click for more info: dogeared life's a beach necklace

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

harry & david super "man" moose munch drum



this sh!t is more crippling that kryptonite [i swear].
i emotionally, mentally, physically, and telepathically fall to pieces when im around my beloved moose munch. im talking, eating an amount the size of russia in one sitting. (and no, i cant see the bruskies from my house)

why couldnt sh!t like this be good for you like tofu? its so gosh dang unfair. i'd saw off my left ear [like picasso] if thats what it takes to make moose munch as calorie free as splenda.

if they're any takers, i'd saw off the right one if thats what it takes for me to win the lottery. anyone? anyone?

urban decay pocket "rated r" rocket lip gloss



wow. this just oozes...
well if you cant figure it out, then you just need to join a nunnery and/or monastery.

i mean, cant find a better pairing than "guys and gloss". blows away classics such as: salt & peppa, ham & cheese (queso), cheech & chong or even tits and @ss.

plus, it makes a fine gift. its cheaper than hiring a male stripper for your gal-friend's bacherlorette party. just throw "tight-pants james" [1st one from the left] at her, and im sure she can figure a way to go to town with him...

rated: R (tough titties kiddies)

*an r-rated blog may include adult themes, adult activity, hard language, intense or persistent violence, sexually-oriented nudity, drug abuse or other elements, so that parents are counseled to take this rating very seriously. children under 17 are not allowed to read r-rated blogs unaccompanied by a parent or adult guardian. parents are strongly urged to find out more about r-rated blogs in determining their suitability for their children. Generally, it is not appropriate for parents to bring their young children with them to r-rated blogs.

eero cb2 "seduto" puppy



ok. here's a doozie for you lazy f*cks that want a pet but w/o the responsibilites. in addition, it multi-functions as an ottoman (you can "sit" on it), "sits" pretty as a work of pop art and listens most the time when you tell it to "sit."
oh, apparently since its an italian pup "seduto." (like my italics for my italian translation? god, im so friggin creative.)

listen, for $99.95, you save on:
-getting the pup fixed. no chance in hell you becoming a grand-doggy dogg dawg.
-taking the pup for a pee outside. unless its got some "other" parts i didnt read about (or sold separately)...
-grocery bill. unless you're compelled to feed it, then go knock yourself out.
-utilties bill. no washing needed. actually...take that back
[if you decide on the white guy]. its like buying a white coat. sh!ts bound to get stained, just by looking at it.

bow wow ciao.
(i didnt make up that brilliant prose. its courtesy of cb2 online.)

ahh, such sweet sounds of shakespeare.

click for more info: eero cb2 puppy

nike air max 95 "alien" zen venti



jeebus. i mustve been out of the kicks scene for a while. apparently this "thing" was launched in early 2008. either i was at a bible study mission in mars during all of 2008, or simply just avoided every shoe store like the bubonic plague (due to debt issues).

its like discovering a new species, that or it looks so "out of this world" its not "human." i mean the things that pooped into my head are, space shoes and marvin the martian.

if i had a trillion dollars, i'd buy one of those trips to neptune or the moon (im not picky) and rock these dope kicks as i take one small step for (wo)man, one gi-normous leap towards higher debt. yay credit crisis!

click for more info: nike air max 95 zen venti

nike air stab "car bomb please" st. patrick's day



no @ssholes. reason i didnt post yesterday wasnt cause i was stoned drunk/passed out in a sewer from that glorious irish holiday called st. patty's. i was just in a horrible mood (no, not pms-ing) after trying to navigate the city with no subway service crosstown, a friggin parade in the middle of manhattan, cabs at a standstill and sprinkle in some drunk irish folk in my obstacle course - it was like playing paperboy on acid. so, to spare my devoted readers my angst, i refrained from spewing explicit darts through my keyboard and ceased from blogging.

however, as i rise from the ashes of a non-hangover (not a touch of alcohol yesterday. *applause*) and better mood (gracias coffee) i pay homage to my irish peeps with this beauty of a shoe.

as a sneaker freak, this shoe would never see daylight as i would keep it in the box never to be seen, only by me, myself and i. wouldnt dare to risk having drunk wackos spill their car bombs or puke on my kicks. that would be an absolute tragedy and they would get a nasty beat down by yours truly. so again to spare my chances of committing 1st or 5th degree homicide, i would refrain ever having these kicks touch pavement. ever.

i guess the moral to this blog is: refraining is the key to anger management. apparently i think this is a new concept, since im patting myself in the back and crowning myself a genious.

ps: me refraining yesterday from drinking = more alcohol supply for you drunk fools.

see i be nice. sharing is caring.

click for more info: nike air stab st. patrick's day

Monday, March 16, 2009

holy shirt syracuse marathon "drinking" men tee



i went to bed at 3:00am woke up at 8:13am with a nasty hangover, making it into work by 9:03am (still hungover) and all i got was this lousy shirt.

ok fine, t-shirt is very groovy. but my hangover wasnt. after the "2 days" i would add with my trusty black sharpie "six pitchers of budlight."

ok fine, im not so sure about six, but if i were to place a bet, i'd take the over...

Friday, March 13, 2009

syracuse 127 connecticut 117, final 6OT



march 12, 2009

dear liver,

i profusely apologize for drinking profusely last night. however, i offer this my valid excuse: the epicurian victory by my syracuse orange against the 4th ranked team in the nation, uconn. 6 overtimes, 3 hours and 46 minutes = just too many beers to count.

also i pre-apologize for the debauchery that will commence tomorrow night as we battle the mountaineers of wvu in the semifinals of the 2009 big east tournament.

i know all my actions have caused you so much harm and heartache. i understand if you wish to seek a legal separation or worst case scenario, divorce. please know i never meant to hurt you [well not intentionally]. i still love you very much and always will. my heart bleeds [orange] for you.

love always and forever,
me



ps: go cuse.


Thursday, March 12, 2009

apple ipod "chip off the old block" shuffle 3rd generation



another addition to the ipod familia. as an added bonus, this guy talks and announces what song is currently jamming. honestly for me, i'd be mortfied. then the whole world will know im a closet backstreet boy fan.
[crap. great. nice job. i just outed myself. ]

ps: i would get this just to hear it say "smack my b!tch up" or even try to enunicate "chamillionaire" or "soulja boy."
im gonna torture the poor thing.

pps: it speaks 14 languages.
jesus. this thing is smarter than me. [ego is now bruised]

ppps: we're already establishing that im buying this.
i feel like angelina jolie (sucks i dont look like her).
i keep adding to my growing brood of ipod children:

1st child: ipod classic 3rd gen [bob]
2nd child: ipod nano 1st gen [bobby]
3rd child: ipod shuffle 2nd gen [robby]
4th child: ipod shuffle 3rd gen [homer] *doh!*

pppps: still waiting [impatiently] for apple to launch new classic ipod. hurry the f*ck up! i want a 5th "child" so i can have a basketball team of ipods.

ppppps: in the time it took me to write this post. ive already purchased it. i mean it wasnt my fault that my finger had a sudden spasm and accidently clicked the mouse button on "place order." i only wanted to add the thing to my shopping cart to see how much the total would be with shipping & handling and tax.

pppppps: .....ok, fine. i'll shut the f*ck up.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

anthropologie button "feed my belly" cluster necklace



i highly recommend you wear this on your daily voyages to the olive garden. comes in handy when you order that endless breadsticks and salad or pasta. you're bound to pop a button or two. either that or wear a moo-moo or bed sheet (as a toga) for extra "room" for yo belly.

jesus. im a f*ckin genious stylist.

anika majesty palm "boob-age" maillot swimsuit


i havent owned a one piece in gosh darn so long, butt i may pull the trigger and purch-@ss this pertty thang. butt i may also have to purch-@ss a set of knockers as well, since i unfortunately most definitely probably will not fill the top part since im lacking in the mammary department.

[cue music] im a barbie girl, in a barbie woo-oo00ooor-ld. wrapped in plastic. its fantastic...

crap, now i have this stoopid song in my head. might as well get a lobotomy while i get my boobs stuffed like a thanksgiving turkey.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

gucci lucy "good grief" python/suede sandals



so much to say about this weapon above:

-one @ $1,475.00 (+ nyc tax) = roughly my monthly rent

-saks.com says: "due to high demand, a customer may order no more than three units of this item every thirty days." its like christ. what a sh!tty way to curb the spending of the rich. (i can hear housewives on the upper east side sobbing.)

-6" heel. still not considered long enough [i think] for use as a stake to stab a vampire.

-sandal? when you give it that decripton, i picture a friggin flip flop. this thing is a dagger. (boldness necessary)

-saks.com labels it an "aggresive shoe" - i mean really? when i think of an "aggresive" chick, i picture a girl named lucy. i mean look at the abuse that chick handed charlie brown. biotch.

thats all i have. hit a mental writing block. hope its not permanent. (screw all yous who secretly wish it was).

click for more info: gucci lucy python/suede sandals

bond no. 9 new york "beefcake" brooklyn eau de toilette



yes. i spelled out "eau de toilette" knowing some unsophisticated morons out there wouldnt know what the heck "edp" stands for. all i have to say is dope looking bottle, who gives a f*ck how it smells. i mean analogy: smokin hot good looking dude/babe, who needs personality? am i wrong? look at paris hilton.

sorry horrible example, but she does have a personality of a friggin doorbell. ding dong.

nike air morgan "crayooola" mid id



i call this graffiti painting on crack for shoe whores/hoes (like myself). as forrest gump would say: "life is like a box of crayons, you never know what the hell you're gonna get when you get wackos who love shoes more than their own family (wives, girlfriends/boyfriends, dogs, iguanananas, goldfish included) having free reign to design their own kicks. and then at the end, buy them! holy hanukkah, its like the american dream."
[ok, forrest is not that eloquent of an orater as i am, thats why i wrote the dude a script.]

actually being a shoe whore/hoe, this maybe the item that really puts me into bankrupcy (a la: lehman brothers, circuit city, the united states of america's economy). if my [asian] mathematical skills serves me correct, there are about 4,568,458,225,222,111 combinations you can make with this schnazzy nike id system + an addict like me would foolishy sit at my computer and bang out all these combos then proceed to buy all of them = *voila!* broooke @ss mofo

guess i'll be sleeping my proverbial shoebox of a cardboard box in the streets on nyc [park ave of course]. just hope a bum doesnt choose to pee on me in midst of his stroll to the park bench in central park.

click for more info: nike air morgan id

Thursday, March 5, 2009

marc jacobs rana "smooch" pouch



this bag is great. it comes with its own "stand-by" date. in the event you get stood up by your douche of a date and need to find a last minute replacement to the ball, just lay a big wet smooch [just add water] on this little froggy and *poof* it transforms into your very own prince charming.

i cant guarantee the dude is gonna be smoking hot (im not god you know?), so if you end up getting the goose-egg-of-a-not-so-good-looking-troll, luckily at the stroke of midnight he'll turn back into a frog. unluckily if you hit the jackpot and he ends up looking like brad pitt, you're screwed anyways. they all end up turning back to old toads (im not god you know?). so be prepared to wrangle a herd of cats in preparation for spinster-hood, because regardless the story will be an unhappily ever after ending.

now thats a fairy tale. take that disney.

click for more info: marc jacobs rana pouch

crate and barrel "im a little" teapot tea bag rest



oh look-y. something to rest your wounded tea bags on. if you squint, you can see a little...nevermind. i'll leave it up to the pervs for artistic interpretation.

crate and barrel tea "you sure?" bag squeezer



in case you forgot what you were squeezing (ha) this thigama-bobb will remind you. unless you're illiterate, then sh!t make sure you're squeezing the contents in the right "cup".

ps: if you didnt get my infantile joke, nevermind and congratulations. you are now deemed mature.

crate and barrel wine "snob" bottle thermometer



i obviously have a lack of knowledge in the business of wine-ing. apparently during my recent trip to a wine-ry in sonoma, i acquired a severe case of add (or for lack of a better excuse, i didnt pop my hourly dose of ritalin in case i got an "effect" from mixing it with the vino). right. all i got out of "lesson" was red wine is served warm and white is cold. (applause)

so for all you wine snobs, they make this thing that "assures" that you're drinking wine at the correct (*correction* we're dealing with snobs here, i need to "up" my vocab) optimal temperature.

since i still think/act like a college frat boy, i'd get so hammered off boxed wine that my nimrod self would attempt to get this thing around the box. at that point, safe to say my cognitive skills are probably non-existent.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

orla kiely zipaway "getaway" shopper




the thoughts that came into my lop-sided mind when i saw this was:
(a) how cute.
(b) how compact.
(c) how can i use this?
(d) oh sh!t, i can use it to commit grand larceny.

its simple:
(1) take a bunch of sh!t to the changing room of a department store.
(2) unfold this do-hickey.
(3) snip off the sensors.
(4) put the sensors in an empty potato chip bag.
(5) stuff merchandise in do-hickey of a shopper bag.
(6) exit changing room (like nothing fit, cause im so bloated from my pms-ing).
(7) throw potato chip bag in garbage (before you exit the store, dumb-@ss).
(8) instant new wardrobe.

disclaimer: i do not endorse or condone morons who commit grand larceny. its like watching an episode of jack-@ss. we give you ideas on how to be idiots, but "seriously" do not try this at home.

click for more info: orla kiely zipaway shopper

nike air "re" pippen's



after a brief hiatus re-covering from my taser injuries and a free three hour open bar this past weekend (actually, let me re-phrase. still re-covering...) i re-enter the universe blindingly unaware that these pippen's were re-released. lets re-wind at the time these puppies were launched (1997) i was like the 9th man off my high school varsity basketball bench, which meant i was sitting on the pine for most of my stint. as i re-call back in the days, i re-ceived a $20/week allowance = no pippens for me.

fast forward to 2009 (yes, the current year for you re-tarded stoners) sadly the pitfalls of being a "grown up" and paying something called re-nt have again re-legated this shoe on its re-launch as unaffordable for this broke @ss burnout (me).

click for more info: nike air pippen