Wednesday, April 18, 2012

crocs melbourne II lace sneakers

im officially a lover of crocs.

and not of those usually sh!teous plastic clogs. tho honestly (full disclosure) I kinda have a small place in my heart for those. guess at my old(er) age im finding fondess towards comfy shoes as opposed to toe crunching/ankle spraining (tho usually this injury occurs when drunk) 6” heels.

my favorite part of these kick flats, the green is called parrot green.
tho now every time I see this dang shoes, naturally the “waaah (I cant spell a parrot’s cackle, sue me) polly wants a cracker”

ps: literally went thru 10 drafts as how to spell a parrot’s cackle and even went the extra mile to google it.

no dice. just waaah.

listen. its 4:16pm. I left my brain at home, it’s a fn miracle im even thinking legibly with this lobotomy.

nike new york giants game jersey

thank you nike for saving the NFL from 10 years of reebok crappy-ness.

a decade of craptastic reebok merchandise such as pink rhinestoned jerseys is over. that aforementioned product (which I will dare not to repeat ever again because of how insulting that sh!t is to a REAL chick sports fan) will never fly at the laboratories of nike in beavertown. if nike ever produces such a product as the aforementioned, just shoot me and/also just let the world end. stick a [pitch]fork in earth, she is done-zo.

tho now I have to burn all my reebok shiz (such is an act of cleansing) and purchase all new nike gear.
I will never dare to mix nike and reebok shiz in one ensemble. that is absolute blasphemy (and a one way ticket to sports fashion hell).

just burn it.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

mitchell & ness nba legends caricature tees

caricatures arent supposed to be flattering. I think...

aside the fact your dome is the size of australia, every facial feature you had on a wishlist for a plastic surgeon gets magnified like a huge @ss zit.

not cute.

tho these caricatures of nba legends such as bird, magic, the worm, dr. j and ewing (there was no nickname I could recall...or im just a burnout) are pretty fn tame if you ask me.

ps: ummm. if you think chicago bull legend, I would think that dude that played baseball for the birmingham barons woulda been it, rather than the dude who married carmen electra for a hot minute.

tho if youre gonna draw a caricature, a head including a multi-color hair dye job and enough piercings to shame a 16 year old goth teenager id say would be a tad bit more amazeballs, than some bald dude.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

so im back...back in a new york schmooze

in case you didn't miss me...

I have no dramatic or delusional excuses. I didn't gain a child, didn't get married (thank god), didn't die (sorry for those who dislike me) and I didn't go away on some far off adventure.

I'm just a lazy f*ck.

and no I haven't stopped shopping either.

tho couple shabby excuses. iphone doesn't really work where I sit. god put an at&t black cloud over my desk as punishment for being a slothy drunk human being and for not going to church and not giving up booze for lent.

oh wait. I think god and my mom are the same person.

anywho. also I'm a lazy f*ck.

that's all. thought I had to get that splanation out of the way because I really knowed you really cared...


links of london mr. men and little miss collection

1st of all. no idea the little miss/mr. characters were british.
nuttin against the brits (I work for a brit company), but they have a rep for being somewhat...not personable (to put it holly go-lightly)

so to my much delight (and credit card debt) links of london, my absolute favorite brits next to buuuuuuurberry have released the 40th anniversary collection for mr. men and little miss.

this overly eager american obviously found out about this collection (and obviously wanted to buy) eons before they brought these little giggles abroad. phewwy. only available on british site, where currency is in pounds but if you don’t pay attention (like this a.d.d. american) prices seems mad cheap til you see the little £ in front and not $.


since it was a balmy 69 (hehe) degrees in nyc, my hibernated @ss took a walk to the subway (the train for your non nyc folk) and passed the links of london store. low and behold on this happy weather day, they had… yes. this collection!

and guess what?! I bought myself something. I mean almost as shocking as an alcoholic having a drink at a bar. I mean shocking.

I show you my instagram’d pic of my wrist. and no im not tan. im pale as f*ck (thank you winter). my skin looks sun kissed because of the instagram’d filter and maybe even sun kissed by lil miss sunshine.


listen starting at children’s book characters even melts this steely [dan] heart.


ps: link (haha pun) is to links of london british sight, the u.s. one sucks balls.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

angry birds king pig halloween costume

apparent I am an angry bird.

actually someone called me one at work. obvi is cause of my screw face stank @ss look that’s permanently tattoo’d on my face. listen, I was born this way baby (quote the gaga).

personally, my personality most fits the fat red angry bird doode. not cause he pleasantly plump and round, its cause he looks the most pissed off of the feathered bunch.

so as I research what not to be for halloweenie this year, I actually did find something I would actually consider being. an angry bird.


my only thing is, I wanna try to be somewhat zexy in my halloweenie costume this year. so being a rotund fat red bird is just not going to cut it. now, whats zexy is this green king pig b!tch. whats even zexier, it comes with a free pumpkin pig. I mean I think that’s just too much zexy.

who doesn’t get turned on by “oink oink baby”…?

lil twist of irony or catch-22 or coinkidink...

my last post may 19. today is october 19.

I'm actually wearing the sorel boots today that I also last blogged about in may 19.

I either should play the lottery or bet my whole bank account balance on red ($12.15) today.

dude. $24.30. big time pay day. I actually can withdraw a whole $20 from the atm.

watch out now.

mitchell & ness new york giants vintage track jacket

so im back from my maternity leave.

I mean where else have I been the past 5 months? either I pooped out a bebe or I was laying dead in some gutter on the upper east side due to self inflicted wounds due to another miserable season by the new york mets.

fortunately or unfortunately (depending how much you love/hate me) neither is the case. womp womp.

95% is at&t wireless’s fault (no explanation needed). 2% is just pure lazy-ness. 1% is called its summer time, who the f*ck wants to do anything but beach and booze? the rest is… well im just out of excuses.

anywho. so my giants are 4-2. not bad. considering the mouth breathing dummy aka eli manning, has had a truly schizophrenic year, only a mental patient would be proud of. tho my support of my gigantes is as mentally sound has my own mental state (ha).

since ive literally maxed out every credit card possible (im competitive) im toying with the notion to invest in more giants gear. tho (let me preface this statement by saying I am in no way a fair-weather fan) im seeing how the giants do after the bye week 7 to see if I should go ahead and pull the trigger on this volatile investment.

listen. if the giants stink after the bye week, quite possible since we face a heap sh!tload of uber good teams, packers, saints, pats, the afc pro bowl team, I maybe less inclined to rock g-men gear.

it’s the truth. case in point all the elastic in my mets gear is shot and/or collecting dust somewhere in the fn apartment. that sh!t hasn’t seen sunlight since 2006.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

sorel sorellington rain boots

I broke the “im not following a trend” law. I bought wellies. or in non-british american, rain boots.

I steadfastly abstained from the whole crocs trend. even the almighty uggly uggs. tho to my credit I didn’t go all in in my anti-fashion crime committing. I didn’t fold to the whole hunter rain boot fashion hole. well the $125 sticker price also helped, as im newly like for reals “poor”. my bloomingdales department store/american express card met the guillotine [scissors] couple weeks ago. cancelled. end of a (compulsive shopping) era. sad, but had to be done. ok im done talking about it. it gets me all emotional. I cant deal…

anywho. so I bought an alternative and I think trendier and cooler brand of mucklucks (as I like to call them). sorel. that and their logo consists of a polar bear. me likey bears.

actually took them for a test drive in flood ravaged nyc yesterday. I literally trashed every puddle in the 40 block walk home (yes I walk 2.8 miles home, I like the exercise and I promise myself if I walk home I don’t have to do cardio at the gym. I think that’s a fair tradeoff. yes, im a gym rat. and a huge loser).

funny note: I felt uber british wearing my rain gear and wellington wellies yesterday. some reason wearing appropriate rain gear channels the inner brit in you.

cherrio chap…

click for more info: sorel sorellington rainboot

golden "girl" years...

these days, every time I post a new post to this bloggy, feel like im resuscitating (spelled that w/the help of spell check) the bloggy w/a defibrillator (even spell check couldn’t spell that). tho after 2 years of being borned, I think bloggy has yet to peak (puberty).

not that my little puddin pop of a blog is dying a slow death. tho I feel like I am today. slightly hungover. whatever, I hadn’t had a drink in 6 days, I missed feeling hungover, so I did something about it last nite. tho 50% (general estimate, tho most would prob take the over) of my life ive been hungover. so honestly being hungover or feeling “normal” are about the same for me. you dig?

I compare my hunged over-ness with pms-ing. I literally start pms-ing 14 days before the start of my period (.) so literally im only good (sane) for 1/2 of the month, which once again is 50% of my life (tho my family would definitely take the under on that stat).

if you do that math here you scholars, 50% (+) of the time im hungover. 50% (-) of the time im sane. that’s a f*cking disaster of a combo. which probably explains/says a lot about me.

ok enough about me and my drunk insanity. all in all im not killing my bloggy softly and slowly. im just a lazy f*ck these days, and blogging means semi-thinking and actually putting some sorta sensible words together. which honestly, is a f*cking chore. im hitting 31 years old in a month. and 16 years of hard boozing is obviously taking its toll (case in point this train wreck of mindless dribble I just typed above).

btw. I literally just blogged this to blog. obviously my mush of a brain needed an outlet for my hunged over feelings and this poor bloggy just got the brunt of my brain’s hunged over neediness.

thank you for being a friend bloggy.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

nike air max trainer 1+ men's "whistle" training shoe

i literally have enough sneakers to last me til im 109 years old. im for serious yo. and that’s only sneakers, not including my “girlie” shoes, aka heels.

lately been on a kicks kick (haha. funny pun). trolling like religiously everyday (as you probably have noticed the slew of nike product [placement] posts) and “stalking” these kicks im like dying die die die homicide dying for.

im usually a nike running shoe gal. but these trainers literally caught my eye like a hot lubed up abercrombie model. *whistle* *whistle*

guess anything nike that has neon green ie: nike air max 95 neon green (style code 609048-072 <--------- yes that I literally pulled outta my memory butt hole) I love.

that nike neon green is like bacon. makes everything more f*cking awesome.

even more f*cking awesome-er neon green bacon. whoah. mind fn blooowing…

nike national fists manny "punch me" pacquiao men's t-shirt

if you’re slender or have a “few” extra pounds, and you want this tee, then you’re in luck. only sizes that are left are small and x-large.
this nike manny p line in en fuego. geez…

dope tee. fists wrapped in colors of his motherland. pretty sick. I do wonder how it would feel to be on the other side of a manny p punch.

im assuming a not so pleasant feeling. tho if that were to ever happen, I’d like nike to make “I just got punched by the man manny pacquiao because I wanted to know how it felt” t-shirts in my [stoopid] honor.

then on the back print “kick me just because im stoopid”

nike trainer 1.3 max manny pacquiao men's training "sold out" shoe

yo. I just found out tim “the freak” lincecum is 1/2 filipino. wtf?! never woulda guessed. I dunno why that just blew my universe. im actually feeling more attached to timmy these days as he’s holding down the fort on my roto fantasy baseball team. tho I am currently in last place. yes, the cellar. not sucha peachy wonderful place, but at least there’s only one way to go. up. (well I would like to hope so…)

anywho. speakin of filipino. they mayor of the philippines himself, manny pacquiao got his own nike line. boom. for the people.

I mean the man, manny already has arrived, especially with that pummeling he gave the aged [gouda cheese] sugar shane mosley last week. but you reeeally have arrived when nike blesses upon thee with your own line. let alone your own logo. I want one!!

and let alone. your own fn shoe!! that’s like being given the key to a city, or given the saint title, or being voted president of the united states of america, or winning prom king, or being named people magazine’s most beautiful homosapien. I mean quite the fn honor I must say…

tho I rather get named my own shoe than all of those achievements above combined.

needless to say I love nike. like love. love. love.

im a nike whore, and proud of it. :)

note: apparently a lot more people love manny pacquiao. the dang shoe is already sold out on after its may 7th launch date.
guess there’s a sh!t ton-a manny pacquiao whores out there…

Friday, April 22, 2011

katy perry opi "girlie" collection

I have like all of katy perry’s songs on my ipod and my gym ipod shuffle (yes, I have different ipods for different occasions in my life). I fn love this b!tch k.p..

listening to her songs even brings the “girlie” out of my hardened [criminal] tomboy exterior. dude you cant belt out “california gurls” naked in your apartment without feelin a bit a feminine. work it [naked] diva!

well to add to this girlie-ness cumbaya is katy’s new nail polish line courtesy of opi. I literally flipped my sh!t discovering this at one of my neighborhood duane reades (no joke I have like three in a five block radius of my apartment. its like the starbucks of drug stores in manhattan).

naturally I bought the teenage dream color (also my fave k.p. song). uhh how fn bubble gum girlie can you get than pink nail polish with glitter?? best $9.50 I ever spent at duane reade.

now I’ll have a lil pizzazz with my spirit fingers and jazz hands during my choreographed “hi, im dancing naked in my apartment” routine while belting out katy perry songs like im performing at the finals of american [naked lonely single gal in nyc] idol.

click for more info: katy perry opi collection

Thursday, April 21, 2011

magic bullet "smorgasbord" baby bullet

my biological maternity clock has ran out of [double] d batteries a loooong time ago. and trust me im in no f*cking rush to replace them.

don’t get be wrong. I like those little runts. but at the end of the day, I like the option of giving them back to its rightful owners (parentals). pretty much im all for that return policy.

so when you hit my age of 10 x 3, you are swarming with pregnant people or people with kids. barf.

which means ive been to babies r us or buy buy baby or baby bucktooth buy r us blah blah blah baby a gazillion times looking for those neverending (and excruciating) baby showers I must attend. so I’d like to say ive become some sorta baby gifting guru.

so when I awoke at 4am last night (and no, not to boob feed my phantom baby. I had to tinkle so bad my bod tole me to wake my @ss up) I couldn’t go back to sleep. naturally I turned on the tv, and of course the only thing on was infomercials. which I knew for sure would put me to sleep. informmericals like the adult lullaby. well in my world.

apparently the inventors of magic bullet make the baby bullet now. a whole smorgasbord of a system that helps you make and store your own baby food. you can even make organic sh!t. its actually pretty friggin cute/cool. I actually stayed up and watched 17 minutes of it, til I dozed off.

btw. smorgasbord is in my spell check, random.
naturally I spelled it wrong and surprisingly spell check flagged my illiterate @ss and corrected me.

good catch spell check. you actually might have the better and more responsible qualities to become a better parent than me.

click for more info: baby bullet

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

links of london purple glitter "snip" heart shaped bars friendship bracelet

ok. if there is a word that describes being severely obsessed, then meriam webster you need to let me know.

I cant stop trolling the links of london website, and just “eye-site shopping” these bracelets. meaning: I cant afford you but I’ll rape you with my eyes until I find a way to buy you.

and after careful inspection I realized they make these friendship bracelets with individual bars in different shapes. wtf?! soooo dope.

jesus. christ. I need to snip snip cut cut all my existing credit cards (well the ones that aren’t literally at their chin-y chin chin limit). like stat.

see, that’s like the vasectomy birth control equivalent to controlling a compulsive [hoarding] shopper’s debt.

once you snip them b!tches, theres pretty much no way of impregnating anything any further.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

nike hair-itage "hairy" t-shirt line

switching gears from friendship bracelets to facial hair. guess that’s more like putting the car in reverse gear.

saw my boy mykee wear one of these tees from the hair-itage collection (literally he’s like king of tees. when his son was born he bought matching tees for him and the little lad on shirts for squirts. lol).

of course its like trying to find a saber tooth tiger in the wilds of central park when looking for these special edition tees for ladies. almost f*cking impossible.

btw. they seriously need to stop making tees for ladies in pink and/or rhinestones. no self respecting female sports fan (me) would ever f*cking wear that. I mean I rather get attacked by a saber toothed tiger than to don one of those ret@rdedly colored team gear.

anywho. went to the san francisco giants home opener couple weeks ago at at&t park. this is the team one of the most famous crafted facial hairs of today, brian wilson. low and behold they had nike ladies version of this hair-itage tee at the at&t park clubhouse store. its was like finding a saber tooth tiger fossil in the la brea tar pits. couldn’t have been more appropriate find at the most appropriate place.

of course I bought it.

I cant single out one tee, because seriously all of them are phenomenally awesome. so included link of bunch of them.

so for yous that will get obsessed (like me) and strive to buy the whole hair-itage collection. good luck. because I sure will try.

and that would be a very hairy situation for my credit card. eek…

click for more info: nike hair-itage t-shirt line

links of london "bff" mini heart fuchsia friendship bracelet

tho the whole point of friendship bracelets is that you actually give the dang thing to your “friend” to symbolize your everlasting friendship.


so according to my reaction, I can give two sh!ts giving someone a friendship bracelet. I think I am my most favorite friend. seriously. days like today when im pms-ing and realize my life is crawling with needy and annoying friends/people, I much rather have a friendship with just myself. seriously. I mean I cant even stand my imaginary friend for christmas sake. everyone just leave me alone!

I also much rather give myself the other half of one of those “best friend” two part heart necklace. that way, I [greedy mofo] gets to keep both halves. now that’s called winning (I know charlie sheen-isms were sooo march 2011) but I have to make up for my lack of march blogging effort. so im on a sorta one month time delay. excuse the un-trendy-ness.

so another “friendship” gift I wanna to give to my most favorite best friend for-eva (me) is this links of london bracelet of loooove.

tho with the $200 sticker shock, I may suck up to one of my most annoying/needy friends to purch-@ss this for me. in addition to showing how f*cking amazeballs of a friend ive been, but also payback for all the stoopid therapy and time ive dolled out listening to their ret@rded problems over and over and over and over and over again.

sh!t actually for all that, I f*cking deserve a suped up maserati and also them naming their first child after me.

therapy sure aint cheap these days…

lizzie fortunato "dexterious" antigua bracelet

trending these days are friendship bracelets.

tho im a friendship bracelet veteran (owned, sold and worn them since 1989), the newer “trendier” styles these days I gotta say im kinda obsessed. these aren’t your typical “I weaved my own friendship bracelet” with thread bought from woolworth (remember that store?). these new b!tches have like diamonds, sterling silver, mink, extinct sabertooth tiger teeth on them. I mean, hello luxurious.

ms. lizzie fortunato makes my new “gotta have” obsession these days. the antigua bracelet. tho ms. [tin] lizzie wasn’t oh so generous with the suggested manufacturer’s retail price of $146.00.

bah. wah.

btw. another “bah. wah.” point.

remember when you would weave your friendship bracelets and the tape you used to hold up the string kept falling the f*ck off? yea, well. I just remembered that [teenage] angst moment when that would happen and felt that spurt of anger [acid] flashback. god. that was so annoying.

think at one point, I just used my feet like a monkey to hold onto it as I masterfully woved my friendship masterpiece.

moral of this [baby got] flashback moment is the awesomeness of my dexterity and my artistic friendship bracelet impression scores. well and also to cover the fact that I had one blog entry in the month of march and its april 19, and im entering my first entry of this month.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

nike jordan melo "orange" m7 future sole

been a bit pre-occupied. hence my absence.

im about filling out one more bracket to going insane. like bat sh!t f*cking crazy. I have bags under my eyes that look like two ginormous cinnabons.

the reason behind these cinnabon bon bon eye circles are the syracuse orange. we blew it in the big east tournament (dang you kemba walker) but looking to go strong in the ncaa tourney. (amateurs call it the ncaa tournament. pansies).

tip off is tomorrow approx 9:57pm against #14 indiana state. no cake walk. no game in the ncaa tourney is a cake walk.
we the orangemen will be debuting melo’s new nike jordan shoes the same day our most famoso alumni will when the knickerbockers take on detroit friday nite.

one word: f*cking awesome.

ok. gotta go. 1st “official” game of the tourney is about to tip off. cant miss the opening act.

btw: this first four “1st” round is bullsh!t. f*ck this expansion. it's now technically the 1st round today. keep it old skool b!tches. keep it old skool.

click for more info: nike jordan melo m7 future sole

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

nikon af-s nikkor 85mm "appendage" f/1.4 lens

this lens almost maybe worth getting evicted for.

my next paycheck should go to rent. keyword: should

I feel its almost cheating taking pictures with this superstud lens. it takes the rad-est (yes I said rad and even added a hyphenated post adjective appendage) pictures ever. I mean, I bet the bestest of photographers almost second guess themselves using this lens. is it me and my talent? or is it the gosh dang amazeballs lens taking these amazeballs pictures?

photographer is of course gonna take all the glory.

meanwhile, the camera body is like, where’s my shout out in taking this amazeballs picture? without me, this picture would be nothing.

and meanwhile, the talented appendage of lens [lead singer] is like im the star! I make the picture.

god. this is sounding just like a dysfunctional 80’s [big] hair rock band.

[insert]: guns n roses e! true hollywood story…here (aqui)

Monday, February 14, 2011

anne sportun fiery "freebee" garnet necklace

happy valentine’s day f*ckers.

for those of you batting for the opposing team (aka desperate and/or single), don’t fret my pet…

sorry, spaced out for like 10 minutes thinking about the upsides of not having a valentine this year (or well every year since the age of 0). apparently, I thought took so long, by brain’s screen saver got activated.

…I still got nuttin.

at least tomorrow, you can march into any duane reade or cvs and get valentine’s day candy at a discounted price. tho, downside (boo) you will get fat if you eat all that candy, well in one sitting. which is highly likely. blame it on emo eating.

what would be a humongous upside is if all the jewelry that had hearts (and/or was the color red) went on a massive discount too. massive meaning 90% discount. listen, if this [desperate] idiot is gonna buy her own valentine’s day gift, let alone jewelry for myself, she should get the pity discount. (notice the use of 3rd person, as I would not admittedly buy myself jewelry in such a public way).

at least “she’s” not asking for freebee jewelry.

anne sportun’s little fiery masterpiece unfortunately isn’t free. it isn’t even on sale. poo. im just going to print it out in color, cut it out and wear it, as that’s the closest I’ll get to ever getting it.

oh wait. I don’t have a printer at home. and the printer at work is black and white. doo. doo…

happy fn doo-doo poo-poo v-day d-day.

click for more info: sundance fiery garnet necklace

tiffany return to tiffany heart tag "oops" toggle necklace

note: realized I forgot to publish this post back in january 28th. opps. im too lazy to turn back the clock and post it for the correct date. but so ya'lls know, this brings the tally of posts on january to 7, just so I don't look like sucha dead beat (well for that month at least)...

this necklace is like required dress for sorority girls. along with the kate spade handbags, ugg boots, north face fleeces and black tights.

just got back from a trip to syracuse (not talking about the nova/cuse game. im just not). and the campus was crawling with this outfit dress code. the kate spade mention might be more circa 2002. these days, these b!tches don’t play. they’ll be rockin the louis vuittons, diors, etc.

pretty much all the sh!t I could not afford in college.

which, was not the reason why I didn’t pledge for a sorority. I was holding out hope a fraternity would pledge me. then they found out I could out drink all the brothers and their alumni. so they passed.


Wednesday, February 9, 2011

apple macbook "skinny" air

speakin of sex and the city…

even before all the hipsters/yuppies ruined it by all “becoming” mac-whores in the late 2000’s, carrie bradshaw set the trend with her old skool pre OSX black macbook in the 90’s. remember that? she’s type away on that little macbook on the [endless] trials and many many tribulations of single ladies in nyc. remember the episode when her lumberjack boyfriend aiden tried to fix it, and instead crashed it?

yea, next time you have tech problems, don’t trust your plaid wearing, turquoise ring wearing, carpenter paul bunyon boyfriend to fix it. its like asking a caveman how to jailbreak your iphone. 100% fail.

anywho. macbooks have come along way since the 90’s. just like the sizes of women’s clothing these days, these laptops get skinnier and skinnier. so skinny, they call the skinniest mac laptop the macbook air. and of course, I want. the smallest literally is smaller than your average ruler (and also most men’s private appendages). 11”!

ps: much thanks to e! for re-running sex and the city. ive literally watched every episode like 50 times each. almost as much as ive watched every single saved by the bell episode (thank you tbs).

click for more info: apple macbook air

jess maharry dollop of "warming" sunlight ring

I don’t even know how the sun looks like anymore. like what color is it?

its been the longest marathon of a winter ive ever experience in my life. and its not nearly over yet. 40 more days. but who cares? feel like it’ll be winter forever.

listen. I adore the planet. I try to be nice to the environment by recycling, being green, yadda yadda. but after running this hamster wheel of a never-ending winter, im almost cheering for global warming. sorry al gore.

tho the only glee aside from the tv show gLee (which uh, is my new fave obsession) ive seen lately is this ring. my face de-frosted for a hot minute and felt the warmth of the citrine.

yes. I said warmth of the citrine. if im quoting (and confirmed that I quoted) statements like that, I must be losing it.

jimmy choo "choo" double-banded bootie

remember jimmy choo’s? remember manolo blaniks? the [drug] shoes of choice of ms. carrie bradshaw? hellooooo lova…

these days christian louboutin has the current monopoly on uber designer shoes. I don’t even remember hearing about chrissy loub during the original sex and the city heydays. he’s definitely made up for it these days. cant go a block without seeing some wannabe fashionistas pumpin the streets in their red lacquered chrissy loub’s.

so im showin jimmy choo choo some love love for the 1st time on this bloggy.

this heeled bling o’ sole is a mix of a peep toe pump and a bootie. tho a bootie is already a hybrid between a boot and anke boot. so this thing essentially is a shoe mutt.

click for more info: jimmy choo double-banded bootie

christian louboutin super "accidently" platform mary jane pump

as a tall [amazonian] 5’8” gal, pumpin thru the streets of nyc, ive noticed lately the lack thereof of tall men out there. I just chalked it up to men in nyc were just short, and the implant yuppies were just even shorter. and its not just me, other gals have the same sentiment.

then I walked into saks into their 10022-shoe (yes its so big, it has its own zip code, just like my closet should) and “accidently” wandered into the chrissy louboutin department. i mean I was afraid to trip and fall and “accidently” land on one of the 7” heeled shoes, and get “accidently” stabbed in the chest-icles. holy [sky] high heels.

these lady super-platform mary jane heels, the name says it all. you literally need to be a super hero to just walk in these. neiman doesn’t even list the height of the heel, because im sure its just so obscenely(like x-rated, like parental advisory sh!t) high, they wont even bother telling you.

anywho, no wonder men are getting shorter in nyc. its cause these b!tches are wearing like 12” heels. and the trend doesn’t seem to be slowing down.

now we just need to get men in heels. its gonna happen, its nature’s act of homeostasis.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

nike dri-fit obsessed "sweat" women's training capris

heather grey. the [enema] enemy color to all gym rats. no other color in the world accents pit stains and sweat marks as severely (and sheepishly embarrassing) than…

heather grey.

to men, sweat stains are a like valor of glory. aka, I pump iron so hard [in my best aaah-rnold schwarznegger voice] I drip in sweat.
to women, its almost as mortifying as a period stain thru the pants. I know gross. it’s the only ym magazine “say anything” embarrassing moment I could muster [mustard].

women aren’t supposed to fart, spit, burp, poo, sneeze, cough, hiccup, blink (im an exception). let alone sweat. ugh, the horror! no lady stick maximum strength deodorant can control all that sweat.

sorry guys we women are im afraid to say, human.

so I just bought these nike dri-fit pants, hoping it’ll solve some butt crotch pit sweat marks issues ive been having lately at the gym.
furthermore, as a tribute to the namesake of these pants (obsessed) I am obsessed, bought 2 colors already.

knowing nike. if I were to get sweat [ink blot] marks with these pants, nike would’ve specifically manufactured the material to only sweat marks shaped like nike swooshes.

Friday, February 4, 2011

david yurman cable heart "single" chain necklace

t-minus 10 days til valentine’s day.

I need to get crackin and find me a valentine. im not going another year without one. gotta start combing thru craigslist or those aol chat rooms (those still exist?) for that perfecto [looney] mate or as I would like to think of it, a temporary valentine.

think I should bring a business proposal to the infamous madam heidi fleiss (yes, charlie sheen’s pimpette to his hoes). with her black book o’ contacts and my creative business savvy, we can start a rent-a-valentine [escort] service. I mean if we wanna do this big time, we can go into a partnership with the millionaire matchmaker patty stanger and really blow this business b!tch up.

simple concept: single gal w/no valentine rents a boy for valentines’s day (per day rates. exclusions and fees may apply) he is required to treat her like a girlfriend for however many days she rents him. tho things such as gift giving, flower giving, giving booty, giving… (you catch my drift) are extra.

duh. I mean when you rent a car, g.p.s. and insurance isn’t like free?!

speakin of free sh!t, I want my rent-a-valentine [man-hoe] to buy me this necklace. I dont even want the booty. just gimme the jewels.

as you can see ive been single for a long time. screw the boy. I just want the present.

[single] girl power!

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

stand by your orange

just gotta let it out. I know this is a jolly holly [non-violent] shopping blog, but when it comes to the cuse, I must unleash my orange fury.

plus no other blogs want to listen to my sh!t so this is my only microphone. so deal with it.

I just want to address those stoopid made up soap opera story line rumors that have been floating around since last night about point shaving by scoop jardine (and allegedly couple others). its f*cking horsesh!t. made up lies by haters of the syracuse basketball program (ie: fans of other teams on the big east).

its been a perfect sh!t storm of sh!tty basketball the cuse has been playing lately. sh!tty shooting. sh!tty rebounding. sh!tty ball handling. sh!tty free throw shotting. even our sh!tty is sh!tty. but that’s no reason to allege point shaving scandal to our team. so we’ve had a rocky past four games, but unlike a sh!tty marriage, the cuse doesn’t cheat.

like as a loyal wife to a cheating husband, I stand by my team. and I stand by scoop. I’ll be rocking your #11 jersey tonight as I watch cuse battle the huskies hush puppies of uconn.

gooo cuse.

photojojo juice box "cutesy" camera

don’t think a capri sun would work as a good vessel for a 35mm camera. I mean its most certainly a fail for being a vessel for juice. 9.5 outta 10 times capri sun finds a way to explode its juice onto me. sometimes to no fault of mine (I swear I didn’t even squeeze it!).

cardboard juice box is the architecturally sound way to go, in terms of housing juices. and now why not a 35mm camera?

slap on a cutesy apple cartoony character in front of the camera, and you got me sold into buying this. im one of those stoopids that buys a coat cause the lining has a cute pattern, or cute buttons or cute zippers. im an advertising exec’s ultimate [teenage] dream.

…and definitely not in the zexy sexual manner.

click for more info: photojojo juice box camera

photojojo fuzzy wuzzy was a "love" felt camera case

a big grassy @ss to my buddy jenny jen. she referred me to this website with cool gear for your camera. almost a bit too cool, cause im about to wipe this website’s inventory clean. like lysol bacteria free clean, biotch.

first thing that caught my eye on the photojojo website (like puppy love at first sight) was the fuzzy wuzz. it just wasn’t the fuzz’s good looks, it was his heart felt [hehe. pun] colorful personality.

since the fuzz isn’t compatible with my diggie slr (even agreed they weren’t an ideal love match) I must buy a point and shoot at once.

typical shopping strategy for me. you buy the camera for the case. obviously, I like to go against the grain. I mean who buys cases for cameras anymore, that’s boring. first ya find a cool case, then a cool camera. youre guaranteed a perfect fit.

ps: ugh. all this love talk. valentine’s day must be around the corner.


Tuesday, February 1, 2011

ash flirt "hate" kitten heel sneakers

I hate kitten heels. you wear 4” and higher or bust [your @ss] none of this mid kitten heel sh!t

I hate when casual shoes/sneakers are made into high heeled shoes (aka that jenny from the block construction boot looking high heeled sh!t jlo wore in that video. ugh. cheesy. so cheesy im gonna call it cheesy in espanol. muy queso)

I hate when other shoe makers rip off other shoe maker’s designs (see said referenced above. also sketchers and steve madden are notorious perpetrators)

I hate chuck taylors (well after the hipsters ruined it for me)

this ash shoe has every “I hate” requirement fulfilled. and somehow I kinda dig these. theyve found (squeezed) a soft spot in my bitter heart.

im really either im going soft or *gasp*! my style is changing?


I hate change (like severly)

this maybe a sign of maturity and/or im starting to like the cheesy.

click for more info: ash flirt kitten heel sneakers